From Alison:
Don had a stroke May 18th. We wrote about it here.
We’re not complaining. What follows is our observations, a reckoning, a truth-telling, but it is not a complaint; it’s just the story of how it is now. What is as it is.
Four months later from the outside it looks as if nothing has changed. Our life at home in Vancouver goes on in much the same quiet way that it always has. And yet everything has changed. We are no longer living the same life that we lived pre-stroke.
I can’t rely on Don anymore, not in the way that I used to. He was my rock, I was the adventurer who helped Don fly, while he helped me stay grounded – by taking care of business, household accounts, getting things done, researching the practical things needed for travel while I researched all the exciting things. And he was Map-man. He had these mental maps, particularly of Vancouver, so I would follow him without hesitation because he always knew where he was going whether walking or driving. Twice since his stroke we’ve emerged from the Skytrain station and I’ve blindly followed him as I would have in the past, only to discover he no longer knows which way to go. It’s a tiny example, and not important; we laugh about it. His mental functioning has improved enormously, but I still feel I’ve had to pick up the reigns in a way I haven’t had to previously, and even though I can now hold them loosely I don’t know when I’m suddenly going to have to take up the slack again. This is the knife edge. More than ever before we are aware that at any moment things can change. It’s a whole new role that had me at one point literally collapsing. Going deep into the physical manifestation of my knee and hip buckling beneath me I came to understand, and release, the emotional toll of bearing this new burden, and of holding it as a burden. Don improves every day, and I do too as we adjust to these new roles, to this new way of being with each other, to this new phase of life.
Our stress has been compounded by the discovery, right around the time of Don’s stroke, that I have a health issue that puts me also at risk for a stroke. So I’m on a new medication that messes with my head. The medication affects the brain’s ability to produce serotonin, one of the feel-good hormones. Well these days I need all the serotonin I can get, so I’m still adjusting the strength of the dose to be effective enough but not make me tired of life. And of course I’m now taking all the supplements that help the brain produce serotonin. What a juggling act! What a journey we’re on. It’s a whole new kind of adventure.
The biggest outward change is that it is no longer safe for Don to drive so I do all the driving. I was nervous at first, but have gradually learned to relax, and I realized I was far more relaxed when driving alone. Bit by bit I have come to remember that I am competent, that I am capable. But whenever Don was sitting beside me in the passenger seat I’d get stressed. Initially he was mentally still driving, trying to instruct me; he was sitting there being all judgey about my driving! We shouted at each other a time or two, and now things have settled down. We’ve both learned to relax into these new roles. At least, if Don hasn’t, he knows better than to say anything about it. We laugh about that too.
Mentally he’s not as sharp as he was but he had such a huge cognitive reserve capacity that most people wouldn’t notice. He was so darn smart to start with that the loss of a few neurons is neither here nor there. Of course he has his own take on this – it’s been a huge adjustment for him. He has gaps in his memory, searching for words. This morning he asked how to send me a document, which in the past would have been automatic. We never know until it’s needed what he remembers and what has gone.
We have been getting our affairs in order in more detail than previously. For example we now have detailed lists for informing people when either one of us dies – who gets an immediate phone call, who gets an email, etc. And as I write this I know there’s still more to be done – not for us, but to make it easier for those left behind.
From Don:
It has been just over four months since I suffered a major hemorrhagic stroke in the right frontal lobe of my brain. I have no physical impairments, but there has been a significant and persistent deterioration in my ability to problem solve, as well as fluctuating stamina.
The MRI scan also revealed, quite unexpectedly, small holes (micro bleeds) in a number of different areas of my brain. I was referred to a stroke neurologist, and this excellent young doctor immediately increased my blood pressure medication; I can no longer take blood thinners because it would increase the risk of further hemorrhagic strokes. The micro bleeds are puzzling to the neurologist: they could have been caused by an infection or by a cancer, and more tests are still needed to clarify the diagnosis. Since the stroke I get visual illusions in the right visual field of my right eye whenever I read or watch TV for any length of time. In addition to the stroke and the micro bleeds, I have recently begun to have increased problems with hearing, due to water in my inner ear; I have been referred to a specialist for assessment. I will probably need to undergo minor surgery to my heart to further reduce the risk of additional strokes. So much remains unknown or unresolved about my condition.
All of the above has significantly changed my life, and Alison’s life. Apart from it not being safe for me to drive, I’m not as reliable as I used to be, in part because of the variable fatigue, and in part because my judgement is no longer fully reliable. This creates stress, exacerbated because of Alison’s health concerns. My overall functioning has definitely improved but I am more easily stressed than I was before the stroke, and more easily irritated. So we both are less able to just roll with the punches the way we previously were able to.
Despite all of the above, life goes on much as before. We still meet friends for coffee or ice cream, and for dinners. Since my stroke we’ve attended plays and movies and celebrated friends’ birthdays at restaurants. I exercise for 45 minutes almost every morning and walk for an hour or more at least three days a week. I wouldn’t say that I feel depressed, but I do feel less lighthearted than I did before the stroke, because a lot of things feel more challenging.
Before I turned 80 almost a year ago, I had no sense of how much longer I might live, but I felt generally well. Since the stroke though, not so much.
An unanticipated benefit of having had a stroke at this age is that I have been able to acknowledge that I’ve entered a whole new stage of life, one in which I no longer feel that I need to participate fully. I can more easily say no to things I don’t want to do now, and use fatigue as the excuse. It actually feels like a relief.
From Alison:
We, meaning the vast majority of people, most of the time, live life as if it’s never going to end. Intellectually we know it’s not true, but we don’t live from a felt sense of that. How could we? Being focused on the inevitable end just gets in the way of living, of having dreams and ideas, of making plans, of being inspired, of enthusiasm for life, of exploring, of opening to possibilities. And so we live in a kind of necessary benign pretence.
Probably this is the biggest change. We can no longer pretend. The end of Don’s life will come. The end of my life will come. Him first. Or me. Or together. But the end will come. We no longer fool ourselves. It has been a big adjustment. We are not morbid about it, just honest, realistic. Probably most people in our age group have faced the same, this sense of loss and the grief that attends this stage of life. We both lived in the fantasy that life would always go ticking along the way it always has (even while understanding that it wouldn’t). Now we know it won’t, and this knowing informs our life in a way that it didn’t before. We will both die sooner or later, then those that are close to us will die, then their children, and then their children’s children, and eventually it will be as if we never existed. It’s a sobering recognition. Grief and loss. Grief and loss.
We don’t feel sorry for ourselves. We understand that we have entered a new phase of life and that, yeah, it’s challenging. Whoever said that aging is not for the faint of heart is right. Some days are good, some days not so much, but it’s all okay. We are still very much alive so we go on living, from this heightened place of awareness. We give thanks for all we have, we make meals together, go for walks, out for coffee or meals with friends, have family visiting, sing happy birthday out loud to friends in restaurants. We are aware how lucky, how blessed we are, to live this quiet peaceful life in this quiet peaceful place with friends and family to make us laugh and share love, and to have easy access to nature, to the river, to the forest, to the tiny wild hummingbirds in the forest. All is well.
***********************
Last February in Australia – having fun at Skyspace in Canberra. Photos by Julie Garran.
Next post, and many after that: I’ve at last finished sharing all the stories and photos from our time in Greece last year. Now I’ll return to our adventures in Australia earlier this year – museums and galleries and Old Parliament House, my niece’s greyhound, the gardens, the people, boating on the lake, beaches, beach culture, beach villages and cafes, trips to Sydney, and a river close to home.
All words and images by Alison Louise Armstrong unless otherwise noted
© Alison Louise Armstrong and Adventures in Wonderland – a pilgrimage of the heart, 2010-2023
All the major bumps in the road as we navigate aging, hoping like the AA prayer states God grant me what I can handle to paraphrase. Kathryn Hepburn said it when ( another paraphrase) aging isn’t for sissies. Needless to say of what you write resonates – personally. Sending you lots of cyber hugs that you stay centered and find joy in each day. ❤️ Paulette
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Many thanks for your kind comments Paulette.
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Sending lots of cyber hugs back Paulette as we navigate these bumps. I’m not surprised to hear that what we’ve written resonates. It’s a whole new adventure isn’t it! Step by step, holding each other tight. Onward!
Much love 💕
Alison
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It’s funny Noelle and I were just talking about our change in perspective. When shit gets real..as the saying goes..it changes everything. We were very focused on work and securing our nest egg because like so many after raising our kids and spending everything on them it’s time to focus on us. That said the enjoying along the way was not high on the priority list. It should always be because we never know how much time we have left. So that has now moved way up on the priority list. Changes….you are right aging isn’t for the faint of heart.
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When shit gets real indeed – your whole focus changes doesn’t it?! I’m so happy for you both that enjoying yourselves has become the priority. Wishing you both much fun and laughter! And quiet peaceful enjoyment too.
Alison xo
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Wow, this is Dave here & I have just read your stories to Sue. In 2005 I had a brain hemorrhage which I fortunately had while Sue was with me. Whilst I recovered slowly to full functionality over a year or so life has never been the same since.
The aneurism returned in 2017 whilst we were traveling in South America & we had to cut the trip short to return to Australia for me to have a second round of stents & coils inserted into my head which was ‘successful’ but my personal confidence in my ability to be fully functional took a hit.
Sue has been marvelous & very understanding & before we sold our home & started this trip had a big cancer scare which ultimately turned out to be benign so I think we both agree that none of us really know what the future will bring but take it one day at a time 🤗
You two were influencers for us to take off for full time travel in 2015
Best wishes to you both ❤️
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Oh my goodness Dave, and Sue too, you have been through a lot! How extraordinary, and how brave you are, to still do all the travelling you’ve done, even if it meant trips home for medical treatment. I’m so impressed, and hope you’re doing well now. Are you still traveling?
I’m glad to hear we inspired you to take off! Nothing quite like a life well lived is there!
Wishing you both the best.
Alison
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Thank you for sharing this journey with us, for these posts about the very different paths you travel now. These body and soul experiences are as worthy of reading about as are all your other blogged-about journeys. When you began your “This Nomadic Life” series, I was so happy that you were including all those aspects of your travels. This post is another super addition.
I so appreciate your sharing the details of where you both “are” in heart, soul, mind, relationship, as well as body of course. Personally I find it very inspiring in a practical way. In several ways you are setting an example for us by providing insight into how things can change and how life may become for all of us going forward. To some extent, Ian and I too have faced the specter of “the end could happen any time” with his various heart issues and surgeries and the ever-present threat of anytime-stroke. All of that has tied a wee knot in my gut that never goes away. It’s just not easy (or maybe possible) to accept the inevitabilities and future lifestyle changes before they happen. You two are exemplary in how you’re navigating life now that these changes have begun. Thank you both again. ❤️
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Lovely reply, Kate.
Love from X
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Thank you so much Kate. It just doesn’t feel right to only write about the surface stuff, or the good stuff. If it’s not real why bother is my motto 😁
Happy to have been inspiring – always a bonus 💕 but of course you two know what it’s like to face the truth that things could change at any time. Encouraging you to unwind that little knot. There’s nothing to be done. Well I know you know this, and I also know that you, Ian, Don, and I all do the best we can. Most people do. Today felt like a bit of a turn around for us – no more worrying, no more fear of what could come, no more holding things as a burden. Well, at least we’ll try. We’re both feeling a little lighter.
Alison
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I read through your post. What a health journey you had. I guess I would also have anxiety and the feeling of uncertainty if I had the same experience. Life experiences like this makes me remind myself to cherish the past, live the present, and continue to plan for the future. Good luck to both of you.
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Thank you so much. It has been a bit of an adventure for sure, and no doubt more to come. More than ever it is teaching us to be present and cherish what we have.
Alison
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Dear Alison and Don,
in four weeks’ time I turn eighty, so time-wise I tread a similar path. I hope that as my challenges increase (and they are starting) I will have the grace, fortitude and clarity that you both have shown in this post. Meanwhile, I look forward to more of your Adventures in Wonderland, plus, when we get back from our current Sud de France sojourn and I visit friends in Vancouver, we could share a glass.
Much Love
Keith
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arg! Sorry to hear that your challenges are increasing, Keith. Wish there were to stop it all happening to people we care about. Please keep in touch!
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oops: *wish there were a way to…
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Thank you so much Keith for your kind words.
For sure there will be many more Wonderland posts, and yes please do contact us when you’re in Vancouver! Would love to connect with you guys.
Alison
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Alison and Don, Your honest sharing helps others who may be struggling with health issues. I’m sorry you’ve had such dramatic changes in your health – I’m glad Don has improved since your original post. One thing that always shines through in your posts is your determination and zest for living. It is amazing how this old age thing creeps up on us… you are not alone! Thanks for being an inspiration. ❤️
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Thanks so much for your kind words Jane. It has been challenging for sure, but each day brings improvement – in Don’s energy, and in our mood, and in our gratitude for all we have. For all we are in a new phase of life, with its inevitable end, we know how lucky we are – for this lucky life, and to have each other. Wishing you so much luck and ease on your journey forward.
Alison 💕
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Thanks for this update. it sounds like you and Don have a handle on your health issues and the ageing process. With your great attitude, you will have many years of life and fun ahead of you. The trick is to know your limitations and work around them, which it looks like you are doing. As you and others have said, getting old is not for wimps. Hugs to you both. xo
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You know we really are doing okay. I suppose you could say we have a handle on it; we communicate well and help talk each other through our fears, which then diminishes them. And you’re right of course – learning that trick of knowing and working around our limitations is pretty essential. Not for wimps for sure!
Hugs back 🤗
Alison
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Oh my goodness, what a roller coaster you both have been riding. A huge reminder that life is fragile and every day can present a challenge. Good to know that Don is improving and hope that your health issues, Alison, can be minimised.
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Thanks Peggy. It has been a roller coaster for sure, but we’re doing okay. It’s facing the fragility that’s been a real eye opener. We’ve both led such charmed lives that it’s only now that reality is hitting home.
But onward! We shall live the live we’ve been given with as much grace as we can.
Alison 🤗
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Thanks for sharing it all Alison, I’m just glad that you have each other. I think hugs are the best thing.
The head stuff is so hard on top of it all. Serotonin grrrr.
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Thanks Annie. And you’re right – hugs are the best thing. They help a lot.
Taking extra supplements for serotonin – they seem to be helping, and I think I’m adjusting to the meds better.
And so we soldier on! As do you 💕
Ali xo 🤗
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Many blessings to both of you. Thank you for sharing this part of your journey. I appreciate you writing from the heart. 💜 Karen
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Thank you so much Karen. It’s a new challenging time of life for sure, but we’re doing okay. Mostly we just pog along with ordinary daily life, so can’t complain really.
Hope you’re well.
Alison 🤗
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Good to hear Don is improving. Thank you for sharing Don’s experience and how you’ve gradually adjusted your lives.
I think old(er) age, when you have a major health scare, is a wake-up call to live more mindfully, and it sounds as though you are doing just that.
Pacing is something I learned many years ago when I was finally diagnosed with a severe chronic pain and fatigue condition which also affects my memory and cognitive function. I also have an (inherited) heart condition. Coming very close to death during my open heart surgery when I went into cardiogenic shock and lay in a coma for 6 days in August 2021 really brought the reality of death closer. A small brain aneurysm also needs regular monitoring.
It’s a big adjustment lowering your daily activity, especially overseas travel in your case and no doubt, you’ll both adjust. That doesn’t mean that this adjustment is easy or welcome.
Changing one’s mindset is the most important I think. I like to think my life and it’s current restrictions in not worse, just different. That doesn’t mean it is easy and some days when I struggle to get out of bed, I have to do a lot of self-talk. I have to remind myself of how lucky I am. How lucky I was to travel so much in my 20s. How lucky I am as a single person and not reliant on anyone. How lucky I was in that miracle of surviving in 2021. I believe in miracles as that heart surgery was the third in my life.
I hope Don continues to improve his physical activity and his mental prowess doesn’t decline any more.
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Oh my goodness Vicki, it sounds like you’ve been going through a lot! I agree that adjusting your mindset it just about the most important thing. We focus as much as we’re able on all that’s positive in our lives, and it’s a lot.
Your self-talk tells me what courage and determination you have, and how very brave you are. Don’t discount any of that!
We too believe in miracles, and that they will somehow sustain us until it’s time to go.
Wishing you all the best 🤗
Alison 💕
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Ali and Don,
You’ve expressed what’s happening in your life and the profound, somatic knowing about your own mortality so well. Forging ahead, boldly coping with the truth of this knowing head on… we’ll done, I bow to you both.
See you soon for coffee, dinner, and whatever else we get up to. Love, Linda 🙏🏾💖
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Thanks so much dear Linda. This acknowledgement of our mortality is a pretty big piece I think. We don’t dwell on it, but in reality it’s always there in the background – not in a scary way, just as a kind of background gentle self-honesty.
Bowing back to you for your unerring kindness and big heart 🙏
C U soon
Ali 💕
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Applauding you both for facing head on the changes that your health has forced on you, adapting to a new way of being and a different rhythm of life. It is beautiful to read that you can stay in the moment and embrace what is.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, a reminder that we are mortal beings indeed, encouraging us to live life at its fullest.
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Thank you so much Astrid. It has been challenging for sure, but we’re adjusting well, and still find much to be grateful for, and much to laugh about.
Wishing you joy and laughter.
Alison xo 🤗💕
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You’ve come through this well, the pair of you. What a solid relationship you have. I’m not sure if it’s better to have this awareness of our demise or for it just to happen, but certainly for the partner it’s devastating to be left behind to face it all. I’m glad you’re coping.
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Thanks so much Jo. I’m finally starting to feel as if we’ve come through it well, and will continue to for as long as we’re able. And yes, we are so lucky to have such a solid relationship; it really helps.
We’re aware that most likely I’ll be the one left behind, though of course we can’t know that, and whoever it is will hopefully find a way to cope. It’s the continuing adventure of life! We just keep counting our blessings.
Alison
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🤗💙
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Thanks for sharing this update. Tough days but you’re going through them together.
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Thanks Tulls 🤗 It’s challenging for sure, but we’re so blessed to have each other. We’re finding our way through day by day.
Alison
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Thank you for continuing to share this journey on your blog. We all have just a tenuous hold on life, and I agree it is only through times like these that we are aware of it. Blessings to you both. And the last three pictures are pretty awesome! 😀
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Thanks Julia. The whole thing has really been a wake up call for us. Time to face reality! We’re adjusting to this new phase of life, and really feeling okay now.
Blessings to you two too.
Glad you like the pics. Skyspace is such an amazing place, and a great place to play.
Alison
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Thanks for sharing this Alison and Don. It sounds like you are both so lucky to have each other. Maggie
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Thanks Maggie. Indeed, we are so lucky to have each other. And grateful for it, and the other blessings we have.
Alison
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Approaching aging – and all that comes with it – with wisdom, acceptance, appreciation, and humor: That’s all any of us can strive for. And you two are a wonderful example. As I start looking into ahead into our own (near!) future, I can only hope we’ll be as strong. Thanks for being a shining light for all of us!
Beaming love to you,
Susan
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Thank you so much Susan. We’re doing our best to navigate this new normal. Mostly we’re fine now, getting back to a more cheerful place. I find I can only be miserable for so long before I get sick of it 😂
From what I know of you guys and all your challenging adventures I don’t doubt you’ll be as strong.
Sending love back
Alison
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As always, the two of you provide insights into life that few other people do, Alison and Don. Much appreciated. At 80, I can certainly relate, even though both Peggy and I have been lucky enough so far to avoid major medical complications. Many family members and friends have already passed on. Certainly, we recognize that out time is limited. Your courage and your ability to make the best use of your time you can is inspiring. Take care, and thanks. –Curt
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Thanks Curt for your kind words. We do our best. As I said to Susan, I can only stay miserable for so long, and now feel like I’m through the worst of it.
I’m not surprised that you’d relate. We’re all at that age now. No turning back 😂
Hugs to you two
Alison
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Nope, no turning back… But we do what we can to slow it down.
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Travels through life go a lot further than a few exotic countries here and there. It sounds like you’re both taking this particular journey with aplomb. I’ve a few years yet to get to your stage, but even now isn’t too early to have some of those considerations.
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Thanks so much Dave. It’s a whole new adventure that’s for sure, but we seem to be adjusting well so far. Our life is quieter, but we are content, and full of gratitude, for what we have, and for this breathing space.
Alison
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You two are amazing!
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Awwww, Marla 🤗 thank you so much.
Alison 💕
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May the joy and love for life that emanate from that first photo carry you along as you hit these bumps in the road. You are an extraordinary couple, and I know that even when despair holds you down for a while, you are likely to pop back up and keep on living the best you can. And if and when you don’t or can’t, you can rejoice in the knowledge that you have given it your all! Thanks for your frank review of these last four months; I like keeping up with what’s going on with you beyond your travel destinations!
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Awww, thanks so much Lexie. It’s been a challenging time for sure but we’re both feeling better in every way now. I think it was about a week ago that I had a sudden shift out of the scariness and distress of it all, and have returned to my usual happy place. Don is still tires easily, and can’t take too much stimulation, but apart from that life is back to normal. It feels good. It’s changed us both of course, but we appreciate even more now what we have.
I’m so sorry. I suddenly discovered that I’d never replied to you!
Alison
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Frank and beautifully written articles about the realities of aging. Like you, my father was a fan of the adage “getting older is not for sissies” or “the faint of heart”. I smiled at this statement in my 50’s and 60’s. As a newly minted septuagenarian, I am beginning to understand the meaning behind these words. We each age in different ways, but knowing my family history, I often wonder what is in store for me. I love that you two are handling life’s challenges as a team, leaning on each other for support. Now, as I have just found your blog, I look forward to reading more about your life and travels!
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Thank you so much. We are aware how very lucky we are to have each other to lean into, and even in these challenging times we can find joy.
I hope whatever the future has in store for you that it is easeful, and heart-full. It’s about all we can ask for isn’t it.
I hope you enjoy some of the other stories in the blog.
Welcome. And thank you for your lovely comment.
Alison
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I’ve always admired how adventurous you both are, traveling all over the world in retirement. You two do more than people a fraction of your age! Your partnership is one everybody wants – people who compliment each other and take care of each other. I like that you say Don is so sharp that he can lose some neurons and be okay! I think I’d be in trouble. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks so much Jeff. We both feel really lucky, and amazed, to have had the lives we’ve had, both before and after we got together. So lucky. And to have had the inner impetus, in many ways, and at many times, to live life to the fullest. Honestly, without wanting to sound to woo-woo, looking back it all feels kinda miraculous.
As for our partnership – what a huge gift that’s been. We got together later in life (48 and 56) and before that neither of could have imagined that it would happen, and that it could be this wonderful. I imagine you and Kristi have much the same kind of connection.
I doubt you’d be in trouble losing a few neurons, though I certainly hope you never have to find out. Or me.
Alison
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Alison and Don,
I admire how much grace and wisdom you have on this part of your journey. Thank you for sharing them with us. Best wishes to you.
Jun
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Thank you so much Jun. It’s a whole new phase of life for sure, but bit by bit we learn how to negotiate it without losing our enthusiasm for life or sense of humour. Onward we go!
Best wishes back to you!
Alison
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All the very best to you both, on this challenging leg of your safari. You are right that we tend to think we are going to live forever in our emotional minds, and no matter how much our intellects tell us otherwise. But you are standing together faithfully, and hopefully there is scope for some recovery all round, and perhaps discovering some new capacities. ‘The road goes ever on’ as Tolkien said.
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Thanks so much Tish. It’s a whole new phase now, one that came unexpectedly, and shockingly. But we’ve had a little time now to begin to adjust, and Don has improved enormously, almost just like he was before. I’m okay too. I’m adjusting to these new meds I’m on, and so generally life is pretty good right now; for sure it’s very much better than I would have expected a couple of months ago. As you say ‘the road goes ever on’.
Alison
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So glad you’ve both felt some improvements. I know that at times of ill health it’s often hard to have faith in the fact that the human body has great capacity for self-healing.
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This was a good reminder Tish. The body is a self-healing mechanism. I know it, but had forgotten.
A.
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I am glad that you are able to share this update, and that Don is recovering as best he can. It seems strange to me to read “when I turned 80” because you are both so vibrant in your posts and 80 seems so old to me. Then again, my own parents are crossing 70, so maybe it’s time to let go these pre-conceptions of what “old” meant to me as a child. 😉
I hope this doesn’t sound condescending, but I am glad that you and Don are making plans for after you are no longer here. I’ve lots of friends in the “parents passing away” age bracket and the ones where there were no plans were definitely a lot more stressful on remaining family than it needed to be.
Sending you and Don lots of love from a sunny, end of summer Oklahoma.
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Thanks Felicity. I know exactly what you mean about the pre-conceived notions we get about “old people” when we’re young, and how they seem to stick. I thought people who were 70 were old 😂, but being a generally vibrant and healthy 73 yr old I know it’s still quite young. Also we’re aging in a healthier time – better nutrition, better medicine, etc. People are living a lot longer than they used to. Don was amazingly vibrant and healthy for an 80 yr old. For sure the stroke has slowed him down a bit, but he’s made a good recovery and only seems a bit diminished from his former self. We are very lucky.
I didn’t think you were being condescending at all. We’ve been putting things in place for a while not, but Don’s illness really threw it into high gear.
Alison
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Alison, I finally got a chance to read this post. What a difficult four months. I appreciate your courage, honesty and humor in sharing. I am sure it is so hard. Sending hugs!
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Thanks so much Nicole. It’s for sure been challenging but we have both improved – especially in mood, and feeling good about life. I had an inner shift a week or so ago and have returned to my usual positivity. And Don continues to improve both physically and mentally. We’ve been very lucky.
Alison xo
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I really appreciate your realistic approach to life as you shared here in this post. Your honesty is actually heartwarming, knowing that despite all that happened, you two still love and support each other. Making adjustments is never easy, and doing so for and/or because of the people we love the most can be either empowering or sobering. I hope you and Don can continue enjoying the one life we all have.
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Thanks so much Bama. It’s been a pretty big adjustment, and now we’ve regained equilibrium I’m happy to say, though life is quieter for sure.
It has definitely been sobering, but also as you say, empowering in the way that we understand even more how blessed we are.
Don is more easily fatigued that previously, but apart from that life feels pretty good.
Alison
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Alison and Don, thank you for sharing this honest update about your lives and the changes after the stroke. Reading Don’s words, I would not have known there were any long-lasting effects on cognitive function if they hadn’t been mentioned earlier! You two are such an inspiration – I hope to be able to live with the sense of gratitude that you both have if I am lucky enough to reach my 70s or 80s.
These days I have been thinking more and more about health, figuring out how to balance work and enjoyment in a sustainable way, and setting things up so I can live a fulfilling life in my later years. During the pandemic I lost my beloved granddad who had a stroke in mid-2019 and never fully recovered; he passed after spending a year in hospital. More recently the family has grappled with the death of a maternal uncle who was diagnosed with lung cancer five years ago but didn’t tell anyone! Sadly he didn’t believe in Western medicine, so he took herbal supplements and left it pretty much untreated until it was simply too late.
It has been more than a decade since I last saw my extended family members in Canada, so fingers crossed Bama and I will make it to Vancouver in the next few years to meet you two in person. Best wishes and hugs to you both!
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Thanks James. It doesn’t feel right to continue with the travel stories if I don’t also share the “behind-the-scenes” stories. Being an inspiration is always a bonus (thanks) but for me the real bonus is that in sharing the truth about our lives, as I’ve done over the many years of blogging, has meant that I’ve made friends. I do hope we get to meet in person one day!
I’m so sorry about your granddad and uncle. 🙁
At the same time it’s good to hear you’re setting things up for your later years.
I hope to welcome you both to Vancouver very soon!
Alison
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Thanks for this honest assessment of your lives post-stroke. Don has certainly not lost his talent for writing and expressing himself. I found this post deeply moving, as I lost one of my closest friends last week to a heart attack, and lost a husband many years ago to illness. I’m close to your age and in good health. But with aging friends dealing with their situations, it’s a time to look at what I can do and what I don’t feel as comfortable doing as I once did, while still keeping mind and body active.
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I’m so sorry for your losses Ruth; you must know well the feeling of living on a knife edge. We don’t live in fear so much as acknowledge that anything can happen, at any time, and that we’re not in control no matter how much we wish we were. This has been the big take-home for me and Don.
Generally we’re both well. How lucky! And yes, like you we look at what we can reasonably do while still being active and engaged with life. Thanks for your comment.
Alison
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Alison, I’m in awe of the love and stamina that you and Don share. Yours is a beautiful relationship built on trust, compassion, and an adventurous spirit. I can’t tell you how much it means that you share your journey with all of us. Thanks so much.
As so many have mentioned, it seems we’ve all watched friends and family struggle these past few years, and it’s certainly given us pause for thought. And some of us, like Don, have faced serious health challenges. You two are a shining example to all of us of how to move forward. Your writing and Don’s writing is eloquent and inspiring. Wishing you two all the very best. Huge hug, Terri
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Thanks so much Terri. I know Don and I have worked at our relationship over the years, but we also appreciate how very lucky we are to have each other. It feels as if we’ve been gifted. I suspect you and James know just what I mean.
Don once told me that good marriage is like sandpaper – it smooths out all the rough edges.
I know you’ve had your own health challenges. It really does make you question and assess things doesn’t it, and really see what’s important and what’s not.
Ah Life – it’s never stops teaching us!
Wishing you guys all the best too.
Hugs back
Alison
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Brave writing. So honest. Quite a read.
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Thanks so much Tracey. Life sends curve balls. And we muddle our way through.
I knew I had to write this and the earlier post about Don’s stroke so the blog would be honest.
Alison
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Just came across your site through Dave Ply and although happy to read about some of your other adventures, I’m sad to read of your hurdles. But, life is a bunch of hurdles and although not easy, these catch up with all of us in the end. This post brings you back to reality – it’s very raw.
A very good friend of mine had a brain bleed almost 2 years ago at age 58 and has gone through a ton of rehabilitation. In addition to being in intensive care for over 6 weeks, the rehabilitation road for her has been long and she even had to learn how to write and speak again. She no longer drives, has a carer who comes in daily for a few hours, and had to stop her travel tour business of 15 years – spent 6 months in Italy on tour and 6 months in Australia as a Physio. We have to cherish every day and although it’s a cliche, it’s so true.
Hope these couple of setbacks don’t get you down too much.
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Thank you so much Nilla for your kind thoughts. You are quite right, life is a bunch of hurdles, though we’ve both been lucky enough up to this point to have had few major ones; we’ve each had truly lucky lives, but nevertheless have manages to find the resilience to deal with this setback.
I’m so happy to be able to say things have continues to improve for both of us since I wrote this post, and we both feel much more back on an even keel. Lucky indeed.
Oh I do feel for your friend; we have a close friend who has Parkinsons and it’s heartbreaking to watch his slow decline. It seems we have no choice about the hurdles life throws at us, but can only deal with them the best we can. It’s not always pretty, and rarely easy.
I look forward to exploring your blog more.
Alison
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So true and the reason I keep travelling until I can’t any longer.
Happy to hear that things are improving for you both. A positive mind is always helpful – you guys are an inspiration.!
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🤗🙏
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Quite an adjustment for you and Don. I appreciate your sharing your story so honestly, showing how to face life’s more challenging adventures with resilience, hope, and grace. Your words inspire me as we navigate our latest chapter.
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Thank you so much for your kind words Lisa. 🙏 I’m reminded of when Fabio was needing emergency medical attention in Mexico, and more deeply understand now how you must have felt. Scary stuff.
I’m so happy to be able to say we’ve both improved enormously since I wrote this post and are pretty much back to life as usual. And there have been many big and small silver linings including reconnecting in a meaningful way with people we’d been estranged from. It’s funny the curve balls life throws you, and the way things then evolve.
We’re unlikely to travel again for the foreseeable future, but we have so much to be grateful for that it hardly matters.
Wishing you well on your latest chapter. May you have all the love and support that you need.
Hugs
Alison
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I am relieved to hear that you have both improved enormously since writing the post and have found many big and small silver linings along your way. Thank you for the well wishes and a gratitude booster.
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Hi, Alison and Don. Just wanted to say hi and that I hope you’re both as well as you can be. I haven’t updated or even opened my blog in a very long while but whenever I remember my travel/blogging days, I remember the two of you. Your thoughts here especially resonate with me because my parents are also older and it’s been bittersweet (but mostly a privilege) being by their side as they grapple with problems like loss of balance and early dementia. You’re all an inspiration, in many different ways. All my best wishes. Gaya x
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Hi Gaya, How lovely to hear from you! I’ve just re-read this post and it’s so nice to be able to say we have both improved a lot since I wrote it. Don still has memory lapses, but overall he’s back to his normal self, as am I now I’m no longer taking the medication that was messing with my head. Don has had, and recovered well from, the (non-invasive) heart surgery. We’ll not likely travel again, but life here in Vancouver is gentle and good. We are very lucky.
I’m sorry to hear of your parents’ challenges; this aging is not an easy transition. I wish you, and them, all you need to navigate this stage of their life.
How are you? Do you think you’ll travel again one day? I remember how determined you were to make that happen in your life, to overcome the difficulties, and I really admired it.
Wishing you all the best in every way.
Alison xo
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