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#WPLongform, aging, arthritis, chronic pain, emotional health, health, hip replacement, pain, psychological healing
Those of you who have been following the blog for a while know that I’ve been in pain for some time. It’s been a journey of several years to discover and treat the psychological, emotional, and physiological causes. I’ve written about it previously in this post. Here’s the next installment.
Dec 2016
I never believed I knew how to stay healthy. It feels like everything I’ve ever read or heard about what to eat to be healthy has been contradictory. There is so much information out there that it is overwhelming. I was put in charge of this body with a mandate to take care of it, with no manual, and no idea how to do it, so although most of my life I’ve eaten “healthy,” and rarely eaten junk food, there has always been an underlying stress: “am I doing it right?”
Then I woke up one morning suddenly remembering that I’ve always been healthy. In the midst of all the resistance to the body, and the fears about not taking care of it properly, I’ve always believed that I’m basically healthy and that I heal quickly. I’d gotten lost and had forgotten that ingrained perspective in my relationship with my body.
I’d forgotten it because of two things. The first was getting older and all the attendant deep-rooted unconscious beliefs about aging – the body deteriorates, there’s no cure, you’ll lose function, etc. These beliefs were trolling around in my psyche without being challenged. The second was the diagnosis of arthritis and all the beliefs that come from conventional wisdom about that – there’s no cure, you’re wearing out, you just have to manage it, it will only get worse.
The day I remembered that I’ve always been healthy, and that I heal quickly, I had almost no pain.
Jan 2017
A few days ago my entire left leg from hip to ankle was so painful I could hardly walk on it. Then that pain gradually went away. Then yesterday I got out of bed and the right leg from hip to ankle was so painful I could hardly walk. I walked with Don almost all the way from our hotel to the Water Gate in Campeche to get bus tickets. Suddenly I was just in too much pain to keep going so I started walking home by myself. I walked very slowly, easing into the pain, slightly changing positions to accommodate it, and as I moved it diminished somewhat. I knew I’d be able to get home, very slowly, but it was still really painful. Then I came to a church – they were unloading mountains of white flower arrangements from a van and taking them inside. I was captivated. I spent several minutes inside looking at and photographing the church and the gorgeous abundance of flowers. When I finished I realized that I’d not been in pain the whole time! With being taken out of myself the pain disappeared.
The pain is like a phantom, and when I’m not focused on it it disappears. This is not the first time I’ve realized this, but now I can’t deny it. One day the left leg is so painful I can hardly walk. Then that subsides. A few days later the right leg is so painful I can hardly walk. Then I’m so engrossed in enjoying and photographing something captivating and beautiful and the pain goes away altogether. It’s like a phantom, a chimera. How can I take it seriously?
23 April 2017
A revelation: just because I’m in pain doesn’t mean I have to be unhappy.
6 July 2017
If I can just get distracted enough the pain goes away, except when it’s the searing pain in my knee or down my shin. This being human is such a bewildering mix of suffering and joy. I have pain in my right leg from hip to ankle coming and going, moving around like a wild drunk looking for home, and then pain arising in the left knee. Suddenly something clicks, a clarity that I can simply accept it, that I don’t have to react to it. This is not new. It is a lesson to be learned over and over.
7 July 2017
For as long as I can remember I’ve been running headlong into life grabbing it as hard as I can, each experience a gift, a blessing, and a bundle of stress. Each goal, each project, each relationship, inhaled whole until I was rendered shattered and useless by the extravagance of it all. I never seemed to learn how to do things by half measures.
Three years ago I was diagnosed with arthritis in the right hip.
In August of 2016 I saw a physiatrist. He sat behind his big brown desk, looked me in the eyes, and said “join the club, you have arthritis, take anti-inflammatories”. He told me I was a long long way from needing a hip replacement. He put in a referral to an orthopedic surgeon with the idea that I could have a replacement sooner rather than later even though I didn’t need one yet. He thought the surgeon would get back to me within a couple of months. He showed no interest in looking into other possible causes of my pain. He did not suggest tight muscles, he did not suggest muscle imbalance, he did not suggest that it could help to work with a physiotherapist or personal trainer despite the fact that his specialty is nonsurgical treatments for the musculoskeletal system.
In April of this year I saw a rheumatologist. He told me I had arthritis. No kidding. When I asked him the cause of all the pain he said he didn’t know, and that he didn’t know what kind of doctor I should see. He was dismissive to the point of being rude. I suspect he thought I had psychological problems. As he left the room he suggested Synvisc or cortisone injections.
Later in April I was referred to a sports medicine specialist. He suggested a couple of exercises to help strengthen the core, and talked about the nature of chronic pain. The idea resonated somewhat as I’m aware of the brain-body connection. I’m aware of being in pain in the past, not knowing what was wrong, and carrying on anyway, and subconsciously being afraid of the consequences. I understand that this kind of fear can set up confused signals from brain to body and I continue to explore this.
In a later visit he insisted again that my problem was chronic pain. He did not suggest tight muscles, he did not suggest muscle imbalance, he did not suggest that it could help to work with a physiotherapist or personal trainer. I do understand that his specialty is sports injuries, but I would have expected that a sports medicine specialist might at least look at muscle imbalance and soft tissue injury.
And then through sheer good luck I found the beginning of a turn around. I chose to get the Synvisc injections. If I hadn’t made that choice none of the following would have happened.
During the times I saw the rheumatologist for the injections we developed a better rapport. He recommended me for a six-week course called Exercise is Medicine at a local University. It was a pilot program of four personal trainers working together. I saw them weekly for six weeks, and I was their only client.
The benefits of this course cannot be overstated. This is when I finally worked with people who addressed muscle imbalance and taught me exercises to redress it, and encouraged me to continue with deep tissue massage to deal with knotted muscles. I made great progress in the last month of the program, and it became clear to me, despite the fickle nature of pain, that there were indeed physiological causes for it.
In August 2016 I was told I was a long long way from needing a hip replacement for the right hip. I had no arthritis on the left side, nevertheless I was in pain from hips to ankles on both sides, and yet no one in the medical profession could or would diagnose the pain, let alone treat it.
In August 2017 I received a call from the orthopedic surgeon. It was a complete surprise. When I hadn’t heard back from him within two months, as the physiatrist had suggested I would, I assumed it was a non-starter and forgot all about it. Anyway I was not ready for a hip replacement and as Don and I made our way to my appointment with the surgeon we both agreed that a hip replacement was not wanted – at least at this time.
The surgeon showed me an x-ray I’d had taken that morning. My right hip was down to bone on bone. In one year I’d gone from “a long long way from needing a hip replacement” to bone on bone. I was flabbergasted! The wait time for surgery would be four to six months, but I put my name on the cancellation list.
I was lucky enough to get a cancellation and on September 25th I had it done: into surgery at 8am, in recovery by 9am. Overnight in hospital, home the next afternoon. I now have a brand new titanium hip.
It’s been nearly eight weeks since the surgery and I am recovering well. My relative youth helps, as does my general level of fitness and core strength from daily exercises for years, and especially more recently with the Exercise is Medicine trainers. I am anticipating a full recovery from the surgery and for all the other poor muscles that have been working overtime, and in the wrong way, to compensate for a gimpy hip. I’m not always a fan of modern medicine, and yet in this case it feels like a miracle. I am so grateful.
There was a time I ran without thought
along the bush paths of Canberra
around Hyde Park in London
round and round the oval at night in Tom Price
running and running and running
because the body needed to move
because the mind needed space
because the heart wanted freedom.
There was a time I cycled without thought
on an old heavy 21 speed mountain bike
pushing and pushing and pushing
up and down the hills
along the dirt trails around Whitehorse
along the gravel roads outside of Atlin
along the beach paths of Vancouver
along the bush paths of Canberra
my body straining against the pedals uphill
the wind in my face my body doubled over the handlebars
screaming with joy as I flew downhill
faster and faster and faster
because the body needed to move
because the mind needed space
because the heart wanted freedom.
There was a time I skied without thought
across the vast silent snowscape of the north
miles and miles and miles
my legs and poles in steady rhythm
swoosh swoosh swoosh
past fir trees and balsam and pine
across frozen lakes and through the woods
swallowed whole by the silent beauty
of the soft white landscape
moving in steady rhythm
swoosh swoosh swoosh
because the body needed to move
because the mind needed space
because the heart wanted freedom.
There was a time I walked without thought
all over the world
the body a happy willing vehicle
excited to know what was around the next corner
or to get to the top of the volcano
one step in front of the other
sometimes a slow ramble
more often than not a surging forward
to the next moment and the next and the next.
If I could no longer run or cycle or ski I could walk
and walk and walk
because the body needs to move
because the mind needs space
because the heart wants freedom.
And now that too
for now,
or forever,
is gone
and I grieve this loss of the best of being a body
this best joy of the physical vehicle
this freedom to move and move and move
without thought.
Wind in the face
sun shining down
the sheer joy of exertion.
It’s all gone for now.
Or forever.
It’s all gone
and grief arises
like a hot molten flood washing over me.
I have long believed that physical pain is, at least in part, a mirror of buried unfelt emotional pain. The gift in this journey is that the pain pushed me into wading around in the swamp of the psyche to heal what needed healing. Some fourteen years after her death, in my 65th year, I finally healed my fractured relationship with my dear mum. We were not a good fit, but finally I was able to forgive her, and to forgive myself, and to think of her with love. Much else feels different, softer: my relationship with myself, my relationship with my body, and a deeper acceptance of what is.
The pain forced us to give up our nomadic lifestyle. I think I’ve finally come to terms with that, though there was some grieving involved, along with grieving the loss of mobility beyond normal daily activities. The grieving has set me free. After what feels like a long time I finally feel at home again.
The hip surgery feels like a milestone, like the end of an era that I’ve been moving towards for three years. I am recovering well, and already walking more freely than before.
I have no idea what’s on the other side of recovery. That’s to be discovered. It will be a whole new era.
Photos: Last April we were housesitting for some friends who have an apartment on the 28th floor in downtown Vancouver – so a couple of nighttime views. Plus a couple of the vibrant fall colours we had this year.
Next post: A train trip to an abandoned sugar mill and a hike in Guanayara National Park, Cuba
All words and images by Alison Louise Armstrong unless otherwise noted
© Alison Louise Armstrong and Adventures in Wonderland – a pilgrimage of the heart, 2010-2017.
Sorry to hear the pain went on so long but so glad to hear you are finally in better shape!
I’m getting ready to try my movement work in online “skype” appointments and downloadable classes and need to practice more with using skype and placing “camera”. If you’d like to be a guinea pig (re:skype), I really think these triggers of release movements could help get your muscles in better balance and I could use the tech practice. pm me on fb if you like.
Lovely poem
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Thanks Leigh. Oh I think I’d like that! I’ve been working on various muscles with a rolling pin – deep tissue massage, and it really helps, but I’m open to any kind of release movements. I’ll pm you.
Alison
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Hmmm. In reading your journey, I recognise my own. I have not yet reached the bit of ‘parts replacement, but am certainly heading that way and I am not sure whether it will be hip, knee or shoulder. It could be any one of those. In the meantime I keep living to the full and planning to get Base Camp Everest next October… Time will tell if the joints will hold out long enough for that… But I am glad to hear that your operation was successful and you are on the way to recovery.
Lieve
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Thanks Lieve. I do *finally* feel like I’m on the road to recovery and it feels great. If you can, start with the hip. I don’t know about shoulders, but hips heal quicker and easier and with less physio and pain than knees, and it will give you a good foundation for when you get the knee done. Wishing you the best for your EBC trek! What a challenge.
Alison
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Sorry to know you are in that predicament Alison but I am glad that you are doing the right thing to correct it. I admire you for being so brave travelling and all it entails. Stay well and happy.
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Thanks Arlene. I must admit now that I’ve had the surgery and am recovering well it feels like less of a predicament. It’s been such a journey! I’m already out in the forest most days with my hiking poles putting in about a 40 minute walk. I’m expecting that within a month or two to at least double that, and by summer to be back to full normal fitness. The surgery was such a blessing.
Alison
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That’s nice Alison. I bet you are looking forward to those normal activities that you usually do.
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Yes I am!
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I have not left a comment for you in the past few years that I have been a quiet voyeur of your world travels but I need for you to know how much you have inspired me…moved me..delighted me, with your rich and descriptive prose and candid photos. I can’t help but feel a sense of loss as you have come to the end if your journey, though I can’t believe that it is final and will continue to follow your delightful blog for as long as you and Don have something to say. Best wishes for a full and speedy recovery to full health.
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Thank you so much Sandra. I’m so touched by your comment. Thank you! This is not the end of the journey by any means. We’re already talking about where we’ll go come spring/summer. I can’t imagine we’ll run out of things to say so the blog will certainly continue. Thank you for following. And for commenting.
Alison
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I’m saddened by the physical pain
you’ve bravely endured, dear Alison!
thank you for reminding me &
not becoming a victim
of the pain medicine epidemic.
i’ve known several who have improved
lives after a replacement!
may your new hip heal gently,
and have you on your way
after the natural recovery time passes :-)
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Thanks so much David for your kind good wishes <3
I've avoided pain medication as much as possible.
Sometimes it's been too much of course,
but the pain speaks to me and
I'd was a bit obsessive wanting to know
what it's trying to say.
I know this path is not for everyone
but for me it's better than drugs.
Alison
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Thank you for sharing your most intimate journey of healing. I turn 70 next month and have just started my journey. Right now I am still able to visit my beloved Thailand once more and am still able to work, but I fear everyday that may soon come to an end.
I hope once you have completely healed you can once again enjoy short vacations and continue to explore to your hearts delight.
Good luck and I will continue to follow your informative and humorous blog.
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Thank you so much Joan. We certainly plan to continue to travel, and have already started talking about where we’ll go this spring/summer for a couple of months. With full recovery I expect to be able to do much more than short vacations.
I’m so happy for you that you can still travel too – back to your beloved Thailand. I guess we must just keep going until we really can’t anymore. Life is to be lived eh?!
Good luck to you too! And thank you for following.
Alison
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You are transcending your body in life, which is so remarkable.
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The fact that you recognise this tells me much about you. Thank you. Step by step.
Alison xox
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Alison, thank you for this post. I’m so glad you’re doing well after the hip surgery! Your poem really resonated with me. I’m “only” 48, but find myself surprised when I have difficulty doing things that in the past were mindless. The feeling of being weighted and stiff is new-ish but becoming more and more frequent. I only hope I can get to the place you are in someday. Peace to you. =)
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Thanks so much Sarah. I seem to be recovering well, and for a while now have been out almost daily for walks of 30 to 45 minutes. Recovery from hip replacement goes relatively quickly. May you have both lots of energy, and peace, on your own journey. I do think aging is much more about learning about the mind/body/spirit connection than about the body actually wearing out. The appearing of wearing out forces us to question and to see things differently I guess.
Alison
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What a journey you are on. Again you have grabbed it with both hands. Takes a lot of courage to explore all these connections. Glad to hear the surgery has gone well, and I am willing you on to more journeys – whatever form they may take.
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Thanks Tracey. The surgery has gone very well. I feel so lucky and as if I’m on the other side of a huge road block. I’m definitely looking forward to more journeys – this summer! We still have a very long bucket list.
Alison
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Although it’s undeniabIy true, I’ve long had a love-hate relationship with the mind-body connection as I’ve suspected for years that it’s a way to shift the ‘blame’ for what’s causing chronic pain back and forth as those medical pros are loath to admit they can’t figure out what’s going on. It’s rather like that old parable of the blind men and the elephant where each expert addresses the pain from their field of specialty (a trunk, a tail, a leg) and fails to take into account the whole elephant. It puts a person in the untenable position of running a hamster wheel trying to find the answers. I’m so glad that you have persisted in pursuing wellness, celebrating the body human and life’s wonders. Here’s to a speedy recovery and a new way of traveling ahead! Anita
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I couldn’t agree more with your elephant analogy! It’s exactly what they’re like and it’s so frustrating. I have however finally gotten into a clinic here (funded by our medical system but with a many months’ long waiting list). It’s called ChangePain and the doctors and therapists look at the whole body, and at pain from all perspectives, and prescribe many different remedies *other than* drugs. I’m finding it very helpful so far.
Thanks so much Anita. Definitely looking forward to more travel. We just might show up in Portugal in the spring!
Alison
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You’re always welcome! :) Here’s hoping 2018 is the year our paths cross!
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Oh wow, it’s wonderful to hear that you’ve had the hip replacement and the future looks promising. Thanks for adding Canberra to your poem! :)
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Thanks Peggy. I feel so lucky to have had the hip replacement. I feel as if I’m on the other side of a huge road block! Canberra is my Aussie home town. I lived there for years (from when I was 11) and since coming to Canada have been back to visit many many times. I still have family there.
Alison
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What a journey Alison… enduring so much pain is brave… and brought you to new understandings. Our whole way of being has been built on the feeling of being powerless… having a mechanical body and fearful mind. No wonder we all need glasses at some stage as it has been drilled into us, muscles will become weak, causing sight to deteriorate. Now the opticians are selling hearing aids… hearing is the next big thing we’ll lose.
I inspire people to look at the times they are pain free… and indulge more in these moments, taking you away from the mind who only knows how to be fearful AND connect to this quiet space where your spirit resides. It is essential humankind become aware of their unique and powerful part in the ‘Magnificent Consciousness’ that all life is. We are not mechanical, we are consciousness, powerful beings having a human experience. It is time to release all our fears and beliefs in lack and allow our spirit our divine self, who is not separate to us… to lead the way forward into an existence of magic.
Releasing our fears and lacks releases emotional pain and allows our body consciousness (body, mind & spirit) to balance our body and rebirth ourselves anew…. It is a most wonderful time to be alive on Earth now as Humankind expand consciousness and rise above the Human Game of victim & aggressor.
Much love to you and Thankyou so much for your journey. Barbara x
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Thank you for this comment Barbara. I do agree with all you say. We are so much more than body/mind and as we take a step back from that and see a bigger perspective peace and balance arises. What a time we live in! I have such hope for the future, and for now, the only point of power.
Much love to you too.
Alison
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So sorry you’ve had to endure so much pain, but I so admire the way you have carried on making the most of your life. More power to your full recovery!
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Thanks so much Tish. I am expecting a full recovery, and doing all I need to bring that about. Every day a little better. The plan is to be off travelling again in the spring.
Alison
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Good to have a destination to spur you on. All the best.
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This is a deep and powerful post that might resonate with many people who were (or still are) facing problems similar to yours, Alison. I’m sure, a lot of people out there will find courage to deal with their own ordeals after reading about what you’ve been through. May the whole new era ahead of you bring more joy to both you and Don!
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Thank you so much Bama. I hope others with similar problems can glean something from it, as I’ve had so much help from others myself. We’re both looking forward to a whole new era – more travelling! I guess we still have the travel bug :)
Alison
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dear Alison you go go girl! and i do understand from witnessing loved ones and from my own body experiences that last one of breaking my right hand…the words you wrote ‘a mirror of buried unfelt emotional pain’….and releasing fear….i worked with many healers and it was rolfing that finally cleared a path to release the pain…i appreciate you sharing your story…sending you hugs and all good things…as my yoga teacher tells me ‘you’re stronger than you think’….i believe you are a strong being…and creative too…lovely fall colours sending snowy smiles from etown :-D <3
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Thanks Hedy. Oh breaking your right hand must have been a challenge! I think trying to understand the deeper emotional/psychological causes and releasing the fear are so important to healing. So glad you found the solution for your hand. I still have soft tissue pain and will continue working with various healers until I find the release of it all. Hugs to you too, from rainy Vancouver.
Alison
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Nerves take 5 or more years I didn’t allow any surgery which I’m so grateful for…it’s been a long healing story but bodies are amazing 🤓 I was told it wouldn’t “work” again but the docs were wrong it’s almost as good as new 🤗 we had a slight bit of sun hooray 😎
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Sending you love and well wishes from across the miles, Alison. Thank you for sharing this experience — it has given me a lot to think about. xx
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Thanks so much Gaya for your good wishes – gratefully received. I hope my way of dealing with pain can in some way be of benefit to you. This being human is a challenging experience, but I believe in the end we are all graced even if we don’t always feel it.
Alison
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Wonderful insights and awakening Alison. 💛
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Thanks so much Val. It’s been, and continues to be, quite a journey. I feel I still have more to learn.
Alison <3
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The path goes on for us all. Keep learning and loving 💕
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Alison your indepth journey of your bodies pain has made me really think about my body at 70 still working full time and the stress associated playing hockey and lifesaving and swimming the wear and tear on the body just been to a myotherapist to help with breathing and sore calves and my second ever visit to a podiatrist as I have onky 12% movement in my left side large toe which has been causing cramps. Thanks for the insight
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You are an inspiration Judy – to be doing so much at your age, to be so fit and active. You’re a role model for me, demonstrating that it can be done even if you are starting to have some problems. I can’t even imagine being at work full time plus doing all that you do. You are a great example of the use it or lose it rule. I hope you get the big toe/cramps and the sore calves sorted. I do believe we can find and treat the physiological causes. Good luck! You go girl!
Alison
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Thank you, always, for sharing your journey. Heal fast! I’m sure you will. Your open mind and open heart will lead the way. You are an inspiration.
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Thanks so much Rachel. Healing is going very well. I’m back to doing all my morning core strength exercises and walking every day. I expect to be back to full strength by the spring.
Alison
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Your pain journey and your world travels both put you in a place where you could come to terms with some things in your life. Even though both have caused some consternation and grief, the settling in there and the time to address the pain from all angles seems to have worked wonders! Here’s to continued good feelings inside and out!
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Thanks Lexie. I am feeling much better! Your first sentence is exactly right. It’s not really possible I think to separate the inner journey from the outer. If I hadn’t done all that hard travelling my hip would have lasted a lot longer and I wouldn’t have been then compelled to look at the inner issues. It all seems inextricable intertwined to me. I’m feeling better and better everyday.
Alison
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Hi Alison. Sorry you’ve had to endure so much discomfort and pain. Really glad you’re through the surgery and clearly well on you way to recovery.
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Thanks Amanda. It feels great to have dealt with the major cause of the pain, and to be on the other side of the surgery. Better and better every day.
Alison
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Thanks for sharing your journey and your proactive response to health challenges, Alison. Age brings challenges to most of us at one time or another, and how we choose to deal with them often shapes the quality and texture of our remaining years. Hearing stories of people choosing not to be passive victims, but to claim their strength and control is inspiring.
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I’m happy to share. If my approach can be of help to even just one person it’s worth it. I’m not that good at being a passive victim, but I tell you there were times over the last year dealing with male doctors had me nearly tearing my hair out (if I had any lol). Older male doctors generally give less attention to women than to men, and especially less attention to “old” women. There were times I had to be really forceful and fight to be heard, and it didn’t feel good. Aging is challenging for sure, but I still have so much living to do so I’m determined to do all I can to remain mentally and physically able.
Alison
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I having been reading ur wonderful blog for years. I am amazed at your photos and so enjoy ur comments. I’m sorry 2 hear of your pain and hip trauma. Heal quickly. You two are very adventurous and mindful spirits.
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Thank you so much Julia, for following the blog, and for commenting, and for your lovely compliments. Healing is happening, day by day. I’m expecting that within a few months I’ll be back to full strength and we’ll be off travelling again.
Alison
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I appreciate your honesty as you work through this chapter of your life. I’m being instructed as you tell your truth. Although, I do not have the challenges you do, I and your other readers learn much from your battle. Thanks.
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Thanks so much. I appreciate your comment. I’m glad there are things for you to glean from my journey. For me it’s not possible to separate the outer journey from the inner. In some inexplicable way they seem to be the same thing, so I share both in the name of transparency.
Alison
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Your inward depth is inspiring, and the way you illustrate it with words (wading through the swamp) is always poignant. I think your journey through pain is as enlightening for all of us readers as it is for you — you’ve addressed your pain entirely, from every angle, and there is something important to learn from each perspective. I marvel at your tenacity and wish you continued healing. Hope to catch up with you and Don soon. And lovely photos of that view, by the way! But I might be biased. :)
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Thanks Kelly. I hope my transparency can be of as much benefit to others as it is to me. For me the swamp is the only way to go :) and my tenacity is born of a fierce will to be free that came with me from birth.
It’s a pretty stunning view so you have a right to be biased :)
Yes, let’s catch up soon. I am ambulatory again!
Alison xo
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Yours has been a long journey and now it is time for healing, both emotional and physical. I’m sure you will do both gracefully. Your poem really spoke to me. Sending you healing thoughts Alison.
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Thanks for your kind thoughts LuAnn. Healing is happening. It has been a long journey and it is still ongoing, but it feels as if the hip replacement has put me on the other side of a big road block. I’m glad the poem resonated for you – there is so much joy in moving the body.
Alison
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Yes there is.
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By now you’ve been in recovery/therapy a while and so I hope your new hip is doing well. I have two new knees and a friend just got her 2nd hip a few weeks ago. We both hike a lot and are very active. I am sure that you will get to where you want to be as you heal. Best of luck, and ‘enjoy’ the physical therapy :)..
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Thanks Julianne. It’s good to hear that with two new knees, and your friend’s two new hips you are out hiking, and very active. I’m anticipating that for myself and expect by the spring to be back in full hiking mode. It’s been 8 weeks since surgery and I’m already back to full on core strengthening and stretching every morning for about an hour plus a walk of about 45 minutes almost every day. I do enjoy the physical therapy. It feels so good to be able to move again – even just to go a good hamstring stretch!
Alison
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Alison your journey has lead you to where you are and now you are about to start a new one, with a new hip. I know many (including myself) who are very skeptical about conventional medicine and doctors and yet, when one hopefully finds the “correct” and understanding one that can make the difference, then what a difference it CAN make.
I know completely too the “distraction from pain” approach, which works very well for me to as I often suffer from debilitating headaches. A book that has helped me is titled “How your mind can heal your body.” David R. Hamilton. Also, as you mentioned, deep tissue massage as often as possible.
Sending you much love and positive energy for a speedy healing and welcome to your new hip!!! xoxox
Peta
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Thanks so much Peta. Of all the doctors I saw, the surgeon was the best – open, friendly, attentive, knowledgeable, and experienced. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better. Some of the others not so much. Anyway in the end I found what I needed, and it feels great. I’ll have a look at Hamilton’s book. I’ve read many similar over the years, but it can often be very helpful to hear the same truth said in different words, and also some truths about the mind/body/spirit connection I seem to need to hear over and over again. I’m healing well. Even just 8 weeks from surgery the difference is huge.
Alison xox
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I’m so glad and relieved for you that you have a new hip and are recovering well. You have had such a full and energetic life! I’m confident that there are all kinds of experiences still to come for you Alison and yet I understand that it must be difficult to imagine what life will be like with physical limitations that change the ways you can move through the world. I’m sure your spirit will lead you into new and exciting discoveries where ever and how ever you choose to travel through life.
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Thank you so much Ilona. It was facing the limitations that had me searching for answers on all levels. I wasn’t ready to lead a sedentary life – there’s too much living to do yet! I needed to both heal both inner and outer, *and* to surrender to the possibility of a new reality if healing didn’t happen. I’m hoping to be back to full strength by the spring, but if not I’ll find a way to come to terms with it. At the same time we’re talking already of travel plans for the spring and it feels so exciting!
Alison
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Thank you for sharing this. I find it difficult to accept the “breaking down” in spite of taking care.
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You’re welcome. The sharing helps me too. I think we probably all find it difficult to accept the “breaking down”. I suspect that aging is really about surrender, whether we want to or not. I love the message from “The Revelation of Arès”.
Alison
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The message in The Revelation of Arès is really the only viable solution we have. You should be able to order it from any bookstore, if not go to http://www.adira.net/commandes.php
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I went out backpacking several times this summer, Alison, ever so thankful that I can still do it at 74. Then I fell down on my left hp a few weeks ago on a slick tile floor (with considerable help from a grand niece who has a great future as a full back). The pain was considerable and I could barely walk, so it was off to ER Peggy and I went. Thankfully, there were no broken bones, but I ended up black and blue from my hip down to my ankle. It was close to impossible to put on socks. I’ve been recovering quickly over the past week, however, and yesterday I went for my first real walk (about three miles). So right now, I am grateful. I have an older friend, now in his late 80s, who had a hip replacement when he was about your age and continued to bicycle moderately up until 85. The best of luck with your new hip, my friend! –Curt
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Ouch! That sounds like one painful experience. Glad you’re on the mend and that there were no broken bones and that you’re out walking again. I too am grateful – for my new hip that allows me to walk again. I’ve heard so many reports of people making full recovery from THR and going on to have full mobility again. I’m hopeful it will be the same for me. I just need a couple more months or so. Thanks Curt, and a speedy recovery to you.
Alison
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And the best of luck to you, my friend. I know how important getting out and about is to you and Don. –Curt
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Sorry to hear the pain has been so persistent, Alison, but glad to hear about the hip op. Love and blessings for a speedy and complete recovery. ❤
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Thank you so much. I’m glad about the hip op too. Although I’m still not fully recovered it already feels better than before. Blessings to you too.
Alison xox
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I’m so excited for you about your new hip! I have seen what a difference it can make in some of my own friends. And thank you for the lovely poem but I suspect you will be rewriting the end of it. More walking ahead for you!
Jane
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Thanks Jane. I’m pretty excited myself, especially now we’re talking about travelling again! I’m very hopeful for a different ending from the poem. The poem was a necessary part of the grieving process; a surrender, an acceptance of the worst that could happen. There’s always peace in that. But now I’m ready to embrace full recovery so me and my titanium hip can go do more exploring!
Alison
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wishing you speedy, continued recovery Ali xx
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Thanks so much Annie. Pretty good so far!
Ali xox
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The “because” bit at the end of your stanzas really speaks to me. I’ve always said that long walks are a way for me to replenish, but I’ve never verbalized it the way you have. As usual, your writing is spot on.
I’m glad you’re recovering well from your surgery, and working through the pain. I’d like you to be happy and pain-free. :)
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Thanks so much Felicity. I’ve always revelled in physical activity – there’s a freedom in it that you can’t really get any other way, but I really became aware of that with the threat of losing it. Thank goodness for modern medicine! How lucky I am.
I’d like me to be happy and pain-free too :)
And the same to you!
Alison
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What a challenge navigating our health care system and enduring the crippling effect of pain on the mind (and vice versa). Thank you for sharing this in your always beautifully written words. I’m really happy that your hip surgery went well and I wish you all the best in your continued recovery. Your poem is beautiful but so sad. Our bodies are meant to move and I’m confident that you’ll be out moving again.
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Thank you so much Caroline. I”m so lucky to live in a country with universal health care, but it can be pretty frustrating at times. I found I really had to advocate for my health in a way I never have before. Being told I was a long long way from needing the surgery, (and one report from my family doctor described the arthritis as mild) motivated me to find out why I was in so much pain. I suspected soft tissue issues but it was pretty much impossible to get the conventional medical system to look at that. It puzzles me why not. Anyway my doctor finally gave me a reference for the ChangePain Clinic and these people do deal with soft tissue injuries. Finally! But still, I guess I really needed to have the surgery first. I’m now very hopeful for a full recovery, and as I said to plainsweetjane above, the poem was a necessary part of the grieving process. I guess I was feeling pretty sad at the time, but no longer. I too am confident I’ll be out moving again!
Alison
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Couldn’t agree with you more about needing to advocate for your health. Only you are the expert on how you feel and what pain is doing to you. I’m glad you found the Change Pain Clinic. I know the North Shore is a bit of a trek, but if you ever feel you want another opinion/treatment I have a Swedish friend who is a Doctor of Naprapathy (specializes in soft tissue issues and is all about active treatment). She works out of a clinic on Lonsdale Ave. in North Vancouver.
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There was one meeting with my family doctor when I actually said to her “you’re not inside my body!” I think that made her take notice. It shouldn’t have to be so difficult. And I like her and she’s very conscientious and I think a good doctor, it’s just that they’re so stuck in a corridor of what they can and can’t do.
Thanks for the info re the Swedish doctor – it sounds interesting and I’ll look into it.
Alison
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Wonderful reading and absolutely stunning photos!
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Thank you so much.
Alison
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What a journey! Glad it’s all coming together at last. :) :)
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Thanks Jo. Yes it has been a journey! Incredibly frustrating at times, but I feel as if I’m past the worst of it now. I’m walking every day, up to 45 minutes. I expect that will be much longer within a couple of months or so.
Alison
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hi Alison. i am so sorry to hear about all the pain that you’ve been through and are experiencing still. at the same time, i’m very much relieved and grateful to know that you’re doing much better now. i just want to say that i admire your honesty and your courage. just do what’s best for you and your physical and emotional health. it’s definitely okay to slow down… though i highly doubt that your journeys and adventures will ever end. i’m looking forward to more stories and photos from you. <3 KZ
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Awww, thanks for your kind thoughts KZ. I *am* doing much better now! And, yes listening to what’s best – hence this long break from travel and reestablishing a home. We knew we couldn’t keep going the way we were. So now we’re starting to look forward to more travel again – something like China/Japan for 2 months in the spring and Portugal/Spain/Morocco for 2 months in the fall. Already getting excited!
Alison <3
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Such an emotional and inspiring post, Alison and Don. Glad to hear that you’re better now and that your working towards your goal! ;)
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Thank you so much Agness for your kind comment. I am much better thanks, and every day getting a little closer to full mobility again. Yay!
Alison
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Alison, conventional medicine can at times be very frustrating, not just the logistics of getting appointments etc, but also when you finally make it to the physician’s clinic the encounter can end up being very disappointing and unhelpful. Each speciality only looks at a very narrow issue and often fails to see the bigger picture. I am sure your journey will resonate with so many people and hence it is even more important that you have shared it here so many others can benefit from your experience. But sounds like you have finally got the needed treatment and you are now “on the mend”, so glad for you and I hope you can resume your travels very soon. Sending you lots of healing thoughts and good wishes :)
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Oh yeah, conventional medicine can definitely be frustrating! At the same time part of the journey for me has been to learn to accept it as it is and not expect it to be different – still working on that one :) I still get frustrated that doctors can be so narrow minded about what will be helpful.
Thanks so much for your kind wishes Gilda. I am definitely on the mend, and although I’m still dealing with muscle imbalances I’ve finally found the right people to help me with that. We’ve started talking about travelling in the spring! Yay! So excited!
Alison
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Glad to hear Alison you found the path to healing, after a long journey through the world and pain. It is not easy to deal with pain, neither with certain doctors (especially when under pain), but glad that your perseverance got you on the right path. Looking forward to hear of your new adventures:)
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Thanks Christie. I’ve learned so much about how to deal with pain, and continue to learn. I’ve learned a thing or two about doctors too LOL. And perseverance. I certainly persisted. It’s seems like sometimes it’s the only way to get anywhere and I definitely feel like I’m on the mend now. Better every day.
Alison
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Sounds like the healing was beyond the physical pain, Alison. For that I am grateful. Our paths are so similar. Looking forward to forging on with you. Hugs, Kozo
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Thanks so much Kozo. Oh yes, the healing was way beyond physical pain, and I too am grateful. Looking forward to forging on with you too. It’s good to have you back.
Hugs, Alison
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Alison I read, no devoured every word. Perhaps this post was of extra special interest as my Mom waits for her hip replacement. She has always been so active, cross country skiing, walking and then suddenly about 9 months ago developed excruuciating pain. Bone on bone basically overnight. I am so glad ot hear that you got your surgery more quickly through the cancellation list. I so hope this is the opening of a new chapter in your book of life that sees you with far less pain.
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Thanks so much Sue. I’m a ways from being healed yet. They say it really takes about 6 months from the surgery for everything to settle back into a new normal, but . . . I’m just on 2 months out and walking normally with only a little pain and sometimes no pain. I’m back to doing 30-45 minutes core strengthening exercises most mornings and walking 30-45 minutes most afternoons. And moving normally around the house, and easily doing all normal day to day activities. I even danced a little a couple of weeks ago. So you can tell your mom that things really move along quite quickly. Is your mom on a cancellation list? I was so lucky to get in so quickly.
Don and I are already talking about a couple of months travel in the spring and so far that seems to be a realistic goal. Wishing your mom all the best for her surgery, and that she gets it as soon as possible. It really is kinda miraculous.
Alison
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Your progress sounds wonderful Alison. So happy to hear of it. My Mom is on the cancellation list and has moved from 60 to 7 so we’re getting there. Fingers crossed.
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Sorry to hear that you had to endure so much pain – but glad you hear that you are getting better.
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Thanks so much rabirius. Every day a little better.
Alison
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That is good to hear. I hope everything will be fine again soon.
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What a wonderful post.. I’m happy that you’re feeling better, and wishing you a speedy recovery.
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Thanks so much Dee. I am definitely feeling better. It still feels like a miracle to me that I have this foreign object in my body and it now functions much better than before. It’s quite extraordinary really.
Alison
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I’m sorry it took me so long to read this amazing post. How awesome that you were able to get the hip surgery done fairly quickly and that it has made a difference. Chronic pain is no joke. I hope you are up to more traveling soon. Thanks for the pictures of Vancouver, although they made me a bit homesick. Your poem is very good and relevant. Sending hugs.
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Thanks Darlene. I am doing much much better. The surgery feels like a miracle. I have this great lump of metal inside me and yet I’m walking better then ever. And the pain is diminishing more and more as I go through various therapies to relieve all the tight/knotted/imbalanced muscles.
We are already making travel plans – Japan and China in the spring. Excited!
I was all set to visit you in Vancouver. I had even put the date of your book signing in my calendar, and then it turned out it was the only day/time I could get to see my very busy osteopath which I really needed, but I’m sure we’ll meet one day!
Alison
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When I read this post, I realized it was all happening around the time I was in town so completely understand. I know we will meet at some point. So very pleased that the pain is lessening. Enjoy Japan and China. Can´t wait for those posts!!
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It’s been a long journey.
We’re very lucky as Canadians to have a health system such as ours to help us without bankrupting ourselves. And especially in big cities.
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Yes, it has been a long journey, and it continues. And I continue to get the help needed with various pain specialists. I agree we are very lucky. I am so grateful to live in a country that takes care of its people. Today I hiked 4.5km without pain. Feeling pretty good, and as if I will finally get my life back.
Alison
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Alison!!! I have been away from WordPress for awhile, and love catching up with you and your story. I so admire the way you are approaching this adjustment in your life, and very happy that it is meaning less pain and more recovery. Body and mind, we all ride the wave of life. When you wrote about not having a rulebook for taking care of the body you’d been given, I had a wonderful belly-laugh of empathy. Take good care – I look forward to more – Susan
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Thanks so much Susan. I am recovering well, and getting stronger every day. I like your comment about riding the wave of life – on we go with no choice and no instructions, hopefully learning how to discover joy and peace. There’s only here now being this and sometimes it’s exhilarating and sometimes it’s deeply confusing. I wouldn’t want to miss a second of it! Good wishes to you too. Much more to come!
Alison
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