9-11 October 2015. We all pile on to the bus and leave Wadi Rum for Aqaba.
Along the way, at the request of the group, our guide talks about his religion. He is very devout. His desire is to learn the entire Koran by heart. He is a nice man: friendly, funny, engaging, knowledgeable. From the way he talks about his family I am sure he is also a very good man, but he loses me when he says men can’t control themselves and if a woman is not covered up and a man behaves inappropriately towards her it’s her fault and the man is not responsible.
What a heartbreaking imprisonment for women to need to be covered all the time, but more than that, what a sad sad indictment against men. Surely men are better than that? Surely boys can be raised to be better men than that? Instead they are taught both directly and indirectly, by osmosis, that they will grow up to be little better than animals unable to control their urges, and since they can’t then it must be the woman’s fault if she is violated.
And so each gender remains confined: the women imprisoned from head to foot in hot cloth and able to participate only in circumscribed activities when beyond the confines of their own home, and the men imprisoned by a conditioned idea that they are helpless in the face of their biological urges and are therefore not responsible for their actions. She made me do it. What a monstrous excuse for bad behaviour. In my experience men are better than that. And they deserve better than that.
I’ve read of Muslim women who say they like being covered, that they are treated with more respect, and feel safer. And I’m sure that is true, but it still comes back down to the same issue: that men are taught that they can’t control themselves and that therefore women need to fear them and hide from them, and that if they are violated it’s their own fault.
There are no winners in this. Women are imprisoned, and men never know the sense of integrity and self-worth that comes from taking responsibility for their actions.
Our guide knows I am distressed by his position. Angry. Frustrated. Sad. Just because something is part of the culture doesn’t make it right. When the bus stops and we all get off for a break he comes to me to give me a hug, which I return. I quietly say to him you will never get me to agree with you, and I know I will never get you to agree with me. And we leave it at that. But it haunts me, this double standard, this “tradition” that does a great disservice to both women and men.
***********************************
Aqaba, lying at the northeastern tip of the Red Sea, is Jordan’s only coastal city, a major container port and something of a tourist party town. Down at the marina we climb aboard a motorized yacht for a four-hour cruise. It’s not a pretty coast. There’s the container port
and the harsh brown gravelly land, but the sun is hot, the sky is clear, and the sea a deep rich blue.
We pass intermittent strings of sparse struggling palm trees, behind them hints of small towns and industrial activity, and some local beaches.
Eventually we stop. It’s a lovely lazy time on the water, with a lunch of barbequed chicken cooked right there on the boat, and fabulous snorkelling in two different places. One of the best things is watching the transformation of one of our travelling companions. She has never snorkeled before, and she starts slow and cautious and fearful. Within minutes she gets it. Her excitement and joy is infectious. We wonder if we’ll ever get her out of the water.
Returning to Aqaba Don and I spend the afternoon lazing in our hotel room, and then make our way to the local beach. Down on the pier
all the lads are climbing onto the railing and jumping into the water.
We join them. Once they realize I’m photographing them it becomes a free-for-all, each one trying to out-do the other. The ‘show off’ factor increases exponentially with the arrival of a western woman with a camera. They are loud and joyful, loving the attention. They try to make the biggest splashes possible.
We leave wetter than when we arrived but I manage to keep my camera dry. We walk to the beach
and, as the sun sets, we follow the walkway by the beach
back to the hotel. It’s one of the best times in Jordan, this chance to connect with the people even if we don’t speak the language.
After a delicious fish dinner with the group our guide takes us to the small shop of a spice merchant hidden away in the souq where all manner of things are for sale, from hookahs to clothing.
The spice merchant is very funny, and for an hour or so entertains us with stories of different spices and how to use them.
I don’t remember any of it except that we laugh a lot, and at some point a man arrives to buy some spices accompanied by his beautiful daughter.
The next morning we drive all the way back north to Amman, the capital of Jordan and the starting point of our tour. After a week of travelling we have come full circle.
Our first stop in Amman is the Citadel atop one of the seven hills of the city. The site has a long history of settlement by several different civilizations, dating back to the Bronze Age. Most of the buildings are from the Roman, Ottoman, and Umayyad periods.
From the Citadel we head to the Roman theatre where I’m more interested in the people than the two thousand year old arena of semi-circular seating.
Next to the theatre is a small museum housing genuine examples of the traditional clothing of the many different tribes of Jordan. There is something fine about these garments. They breathe authenticity, woven and sewn by hand as they are, in the muted natural colours of the earth. There’s a sense that they are brimming with stories of long ago, of a tribal nomadic way of life that is largely gone.
This young woman poses in front of the display to have her picture taken by a friend. I was struck by how little has changed, except that modern dress feels more like a necessity and convenience rather than an earthy and rich way of life. Perhaps I am over-romanticizing, but I always feel a resonance with hand made articles of long ago. It’s as if their very cells radiate something true about who we are, something about the best of us as human beings.
Walking on from the Roman theatre we come to the Balad, the scruffy, crowded and chaotic downtown of Amman, the old core of the city. It’s a real taste of Jordan with its labyrinth of narrow alleyways, and vendors selling everything from fruit and vegetables, clothes and spices, to souvenirs and hardware. It’s a commotion of mosques, souqs, and coffee houses all vying for attention.
There’s a bookseller,
and around the corner in an alleyway we see a long line-up of people. We discover they are waiting to buy dinner at a place selling Jordan’s equivalent of fast food.
At night there is a farewell dinner with our tour group. The next day we fly to Cairo, and the day after we begin a tour of Egypt.
Next post: This Nomadic Life – to tour or not to tour? That is the question.
And then: The Egyptian Museum, a four and a half thousand year old boat, and screaming like a banshee inside the Great Pyramid of Cheops.
Other posts of our trip through Jordan:
Downtown Amman: the Mosque, the Souq, and the Menagerie in the Restaurant
Jordan Highlights: Gerasa, the Dead Sea, and the Map of Madaba
Through the Window: along Jordan’s roads from Amman to the butler’s castle.
The Ancient City of Petra – half as old as time
Little Petra, and the Bedouin of Jordan
Vast, Echoing and God-like: the burnt orange desert of Wadi Rum
All words and images by Alison Louise Armstrong unless otherwise noted
© Alison Louise Armstrong and Adventures in Wonderland – a pilgrimage of the heart, 2010-2016.
Love this entry, such lovely writing, especially your thoughts on the culture of men who are taught they can’t control themselves. Will be keeping up with your further adventures!
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Thank you so much. *You* sound like you are on the adventure of a lifetime! What a move! Good luck.
Alison
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Great post !!! And your photos are so beautiful, they speak to us.
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Thank you, that’s the best compliment. Yours also are beautiful!
Alison
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enjoyed this beautiful, revealing visit
to old and new Jordan!
seems like man creating god
in his own image is an eternal mistake!
next time, woman should make
all the rules 🙂
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Chuckle. I’m not sure women would necessarily do any better, but maybe a big helping of that nurturing energy would help us all. Maybe there’s just too many rules.
Alison
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Fantastic, Alison…you’ve done the tour, and all of us on the trip, proud. It was a pleasure sharing the adventure with Don and yourself.
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Thank you so much Russ. It’s been both a challenge and a pleasure to put together this journal of our week in Jordan. I love the process. And of course it means I remember things all the more by going back over it a few months later. It was a pleasure travelling with you. What a great group!
Alison
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I need to learn to be better at taking people pictures on trips. Your shots bring a flavor and character to Jordon that render straight landscapes, however picturesque, somewhat sterile.
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Well thank you Dave. I love photographing the people – it’s one of the big things for me when I’m travelling. We’re all so much the same, but all so very different. I try to capture both. And I found the people of Jordan captivating.
Alison
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Great post Alison.
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Thanks so much Lisa.
Alison
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A lovely post, Alison. The shot of the camel heads in the cooler knocked me back a step, and then the women’s pants hung from the ceiling seemed to complete the strange theme: they looked oddly as though they were hanging in the butcher’s cooler. Something about those two images and your thoughts on the way gender and sexuality are carried by the Jordanian culture struck me somehow.
I empathize with your reaction to the dress code, but also find of course that in our sensualized Western culture people are reduced to a strange set of rules. Our urges are preyed upon and accentuated, and I wonder how different it is to sell products with sexuality all day long than it is to take the opposite approach of keeping women hidden and men labeled as one-dimensional, sexual beings? In both cultures the image of men and women are strange ones, if you ask me.
But you are right, we do not all conform to this ideal, and thankfully a great many persons are loving, kind and noble persons first and foremost, regardless of any appearances…!
Peace and Love
Michael
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Thank you Michael. Oh those camel (or goat? or sheep?) heads knocked me back a step too. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Same with the women’s tights, though they were not hanging in the butcher’s cooler. Chuckle. But yes it’s all part of the whole – the ‘sexy’ clothes (and there were clothes for sale way more overt than these ladies’ tights) versus the strict dress code. At times I found it hard to take it in – the juxtaposition.
Freedom is a thing for me. It has been all my life. So the way women are limited in Middle Eastern cultures was something of a hot button.
I do so agree with your assessment of western culture – it is the opposite extreme and no better than the Middle Eastern one. As you say – the image, and expectations, and conditioning of both men and women in our culture are just as untrue and limiting.
It is confirmed to us over and over as we travel that no matter the culture, most people are loving, kind and noble. And thank goodness for that!
Alison
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A beautiful post Alison. Such lovely writing. Thank you, as always.
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Thank you so much Ros. My pleasure.
Alison
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Ah, all the people photos are fantastic. There is a clarity that shows me your connection with those that you meet. The photos of the guys jumping off the pier in Aqaba are great, as well as all of the others.
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Thanks Angeline. We had so much fun with the guys on the pier! I really try to connect with people as I photograph them, but sometimes I take sneaky shots. The little girl didn’t know I was photographing her.
Alison
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I love all your posts Alison, but this one has been lingering in my mind, the photos are phenomenal, full of joy, life, all of my senses became active, as if I was there. And I wish I was!
Enjoy the journey, continue to explore with curiousity and safe travels!
Peace and joy, Harlon
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Thanks so much Harlon. I love capturing people in spontaneous moments, unaware that they are being photographed. With the guys on the pier it was the best of both worlds – they knew they were being photographed but couldn’t pose. Jordan’s a wonderful country. Go if you can.
Alison
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I share your sentiments and concerns regarding women’s oppression and the dress code, Alison, and appreciate your insights into the limitations it places on men as well. On the odd occasion I’ve see a women fully covered head-to-toe with eye slits here and it looks so out of place culturally. Those women really don’t have a choice if their people maintain such traditions away from home and covering like that is a requirement for membership in community. But maybe they don’t know anything else. If you become accustomed to being hidden in public all the time, and equate that with safety, the prospect of being uncovered and visible would probably be terrifying.
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Yes, I had thought of this, that if that is all they know culturally then it would be a huge change to go about freely as we do – at best uncomfortable, at worst as you say terrifying. Freedom has always been a big thing for me so I guess I’m particularly sensitive to what I perceive as unnecessary and unfair strictures. I can imagine if all the women in a community decided together to throw off the veils and the robes, and one morning all go out into the streets together. Imagine how empowering that would be!
Alison
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You speak so eloquently on behalf of women AND men in your opening paragraphs. Such wisdom, such inspired writing. Beautiful. (The photos too, of course!)
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Thanks Kelly. I hate the double standard, but I’ve always been aware that it affects everyone. Nobody wins. It’s just that the way the men lose in this equation is more subtle.
Alison
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What a fantastic post again! I was with you through your journey through these two cities! I agree with your disagreement with the guide about their ‘tradition’! I have met men who are better than that and I know men who care for women just as much as we do for them…they respect women and their preferences and choices and moods as well! I hope these people find a way out of ‘tradition’ and ‘superstition’ in life!
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Thanks Aishwarya. Happy to have you along 🙂
I would say that all the men I know are better than that, but I would say that just about all men throughout all societies, in more or less subtle ways have a sense of entitlement. It’s not just the Middle East. I know that. It’s just that’s where I was, and since personal freedom is a big issue for me I was strongly aware of the restrictions of the dress code for the women. It feels so unfair, and so unjustifiable.
Alison
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Oh it is unfair and I have wondered for the longest times how the women feel about it. I have wanted to know their perspective and their take on wearing the hijab. Some day I hope they can have freedom and can live a free spirited life, as many of us are lucky to do! 🙂
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Men have the obligation to respect women, and that somehow is often forgotten or ignored by some Muslims. I’ve heard people saying the same argument, that women are like fish and men are like cats. The fish need to cover themselves so the cats are not tempted. So so sad. I read that such view is also shared by some ultraconservative societies — there was a case in Israel where women’s faces on a local newspaper were blurred.
Anyway, speaking of the people you saw in Aqaba, their happiness is infectious! I can imagine myself being there and enjoying the moment, the sight, the laughter around me.
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I too have heard the same view is shared by other ultraconservative societies – some sects of Judaism as you point out, and also apparently the new wave of Christianity in Africa is extremely conservative. I can’t find any justification for it, and I agree with Jo (below) that it’s all about control. I also know it’s not Islam per se that does this, it’s not a teaching of the Koran.
Oh those guys on the pier were so much fun – yes, infectious happiness. The people of Jordan, men and women, are lovely. We felt very welcomed.
Alison
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Enjoyed this post very much. Thank you. On just a very practical level, I’d like to see the men go for one hot day with black clothes from head to toe–and even when swimming!
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Thanks so much, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I would *love* to see all the men spend a day in the layers of robes the women have to wear. Bet they wouldn’t even last a day.
Alison
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What a fabulous time you had in Jordan. I have loved all your posts. The traditional clothing in the museum would be so great to see. The pictures are fabulous. You captured the essence of the people.
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Thanks Darlene. We did have a fabulous time. Petra particularly will forever stand out as a highlight of all our travels, but all of Jordan was a wonderful adventure and the people were great.
Alison
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The arguments regarding female dress are just an excuse to keep women ‘in their place’ Alison. Actually if men can’t control themselves then that really makes them inferior to women, but it’s all a nonsense. Still the women accept it. Change can only come from them.
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Yes. I know. I’ve been pondering why the men need to control them. Where does that come from? And also why women let them. It’s not just Islam, or Middle Eastern countries. It’s the entire world-wide history of patriarchal societies. It’s foot binding in China and FGM in Africa, I could go on and on as I’m sure you know. I felt confronted by it in Turkey and Jordan, more so than in Egypt. My theory is women let them get away with it because men are physically stronger and more aggressive so women do what they need to stay safe, and women will do whatever they need to protect their babies – it’s a biological imperative and for the most part drives women far more than the need for autonomy.
Alison
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That’s a reasonable explanation. 🙂 Many’s the time I can’t be bothered to ‘clash horns’.
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Alison I too would love see communities of Middle Eastern women collectively throw off their veils and go out into public. It would not only empower the women, but could have an impact that resonates throughout society. I saw a Muslim woman interviewed on the news who made the point that the violence in the Middle East and rise of ISIS are predicated to a certain extent on oppressive societies. She said that if women had more rights and freedoms, the political landscape of the Middle East would shift.
It would very difficult for Middle Eastern women to mobilize politically, especially given that in at least one ME country they are not even allowed to leave their home without the escort of a man. Even so, I hope that political action is not impossible in an autocratic society.. The women of Iran have mobilized as part of the larger Green Movement, which also includes student and labour activists.
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I have no doubt that if women had more rights and freedoms the political landscape would shift. It seems to be a very testosterone-driven part of the world. The disenfranchised and the angry doing the only thing they know how to do in the face of having suppressed the rights and freedoms of the very people who could perhaps help them find a softer approach to life. I don’t expect things to remain the same. They never do. It’s a phase for that group of people in that part of the world. It will last another twenty years, or a hundred, or two hundred, but eventually things will change. I’m so happy to hear the women of Iran are making changes.
Alison
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Great post Alison, and lovely photo with the little girl! Lets hope her generation will be able to do some changes to have more rights than they have today. It is sad how they use “religion” to oppress the weak ones.
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Thanks Christie. That little girl was so beautiful! I too hope they will have more freedoms and rights. I’m certainly no expert, far from it, but I have read that the Koran states simply that people should dress modestly.
Alison
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I so enjoyed seeing an energetic, ebullient version of Aqaba through your eyes. We were there during Ramadan and the town was dead. We were the only people on the beaches, in the restaurants (the few that were even open), and in the streets. Those diving boys add such life, as do your other wonderful people shots there and in Amman! Your ruminations on gender roles and limitations make me sad, and I’m sure my thoughts simply echo yours and others’ here … so I’ll say instead that those pale, hairless, fleshy, animal heads are going to haunt my dreams for days … thanks! 🙂
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I don’t know how I missed replying to you! The beach at Aqaba was really fun. Perhaps we were there on a weekend or a holiday, I don’t know, but it was quite crowded with a lovely holiday feeling.
Sorry about the animal heads. Couldn’t resist 🙂
Alison
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Oh, it’s easy to lose a comment here and there! And this gave me a reason to go back and see these joyous photos yet again!
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Alison like you I would have been very distressed by the guide’s comments. I don’t know who it insults more men or women but I don’t think it appropriate for a tour guide to share a personal opinion such as that. I’m afraid my tip would have gone down significantly. I realize just a moment in time but still I feel offended and I wasn’t even there!
Your market photo of the goat? heads reminds me of Athens. We meandered our way into a giant market for locals where I spent my time trying not to squeal and screech at buckets of eyes, goat heads and other similar intriguing items. I’m not sissy as I grew up on a farm but wowza it was something!
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I suppose I must say in his defence that he had been asked to speak about his religion, and I think his comment came up in response to questions, but it was certainly where he lost me. I was already mad at him for his scheduling of our time in Wadi Rum (or rather our unreasonable *lack* of time in Wadi Rum), but his comments about women being to blame for inappropriate behaviour was really the final straw.
I was fascinated by the goat/sheep heads, but I too would have been having to repress screeches at the sight of a bucket of eyes. Ewwwww!
Alison
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I tend to think that anything that limits our potential as humans is a loss, Alison, to all of us. Equal opportunity to grow, learn, and participate in a meaningful way should be a mantra of our world, must indeed become a mantra of our world if we are to survive. I couldn’t help but note that many of the young women you featured, are succeeding on looking modern regardless of the limits placed on them by their cultures. As always, a wonderful job of capturing the culture. –Curt
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I agree with your every word. They say it’s their religion. It’s not. The Koran simply states they should dress modestly, as do the teachings of most religions. Then they say it’s about safety without thinking what they are teaching their boys about what kind of men they will grow up to be. Of course we both know it’s only ever been about control.
I *love* the way the modern young women dress. I was frequently taken with their style, and the way they make the hijab a beautiful fashion statement. And of course they cover their bodies but it doesn’t hide their femininity at all.
Alison
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“but it doesn’t hide their femininity at all” Absolutely.
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While I am delighted to hear more about Egypt, I am sad that the tour of Jordan has come to an end. Some stunning pictures in this one – the desert is so alien to the green landscapes I’m used to.
I appreciate your sadness about keeping men and women separate. In all these years of evolution and cultural enlightenment, it is sad that all of us still struggle with basic human things: jealousy, biology, etc. Somehow one would have hoped we’d be a bit more advanced now . . .
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Oh and also – the action shots of the lads jumping off the pier are brilliant! Forgot to mention that. 😉
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Thanks Felicity. Deserts are always magnificent, and a photographer’s dream – they’re so powerful. And the lads diving from the pier – that was so much fun. We had a lovely interaction with them. I too find it sad that we struggle with control, jealousy, anger, etc – being human! It’s such a struggle, and at the same time so amazing. This journey in Jordan has helped me see in a more real way that for all their chauvinism men are no less troubled than women, it’s just their struggle is more hidden.
Alison
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i lingered on this post…never sure what words to say…maybe best to say nothing…but i imagine a world where gender and sex divisions do not matter…but that’s my outsider view…i also know from friends that this is a you have said Alison a “very testosterone-driven part of the world…”…sending joy and peace…thank you for your teachings i always appreciate your thoughtful posts. ❤
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oh and yes these captures are stunning the young girl and her beautiful eyes…lovely!
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Thanks Hedy. Very much fun capturing the guys diving, and the young girl was preoccupied, and irresistible. Such a beauty.
Oh yes, as an outsider I too imagine a world where gender and sex divisions don’t matter. What freedom that would be for all of us. I wonder why men feel such a strong need to control. In my ponderings I’ve become more compassionate towards them and the roles they are slotted into. In the bigger picture I remember we are all struggling with being human, and we are all on our way home.
Alison ❤
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There is so much life in your photos. I enjoyed the way you wove the traditions into your travel piece – it’s impossible to simply travel and not develop opinions about other cultures. But dressing from head to toe so as not to entice men? Makes me glad I was born where I was born.
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Thanks so much Susan. Turkey and Jordan were confronting for me because I’m usually so accepting of, and fascinated by, other cultures. It’s the reason I travel – to see how other people do life, and I’m constantly awed by the variety, and the sameness. But the strictures against women in Turkey and Jordan really got to me. I too am glad I was born where I was born.
Alison
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I too find it hard to understand and accept these beliefs. It feels so sexist and backwards. I also have talked to women who agree they feel safer and are fine with the traditions. Oftentimes it is hard to understand these cultural difference yet all the same I am grateful for the rights I have as a woman. Fantastic post Alison. Craving for more!!!
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Thanks Nicole. I find it incomprehensible, but then I grew up with a different kind of freedom. It’s not about religion of course, it’s all about control. I wonder why men feel such a strong need to control women. I too am very grateful for the rights I have. More posts coming 🙂
Alison
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Wonderful posts! Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks so much Tammi. I’m glad you enjoyed them.
Alison
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I’m so inspired by your life! Wow. What amazing experiences. I look forward to following along. xo http://www.thefirst365days.com
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Hi TheFirst365! Jordan was quite amazing, but then most places we visit are in their own way. Stories from Egypt next. Thanks for your support and for following.
Alison
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As to why men fell such a strong need to control women, Alison, it really comes down to being the ones in power and wanting to retain the entitlements and privileges that go with that power. It reflects the view that women are inferior to men, irrational, and not capable of fully participating in the affairs of their community/region/state/
There is also the fear of women’s sexuality as ‘carnal’ thing. Numerous verses in The Bible and The Karan emphasize women’s carnality and the temptation they pose for men. The temptation argument has often been used to explain prostitution, but the explanation is less than compelling if one considers that men are capable of making reasoned choices and not slave to their sex organs It’s a convenient argument, but ultimately fails.
it’s just the centuries-old oppression of women with its various justifications – justifications that work to discriminate against women.
I remember reading about the Theory of THe Humours, according to which women’s ovaries were cold, and the heat of sperm was necessary to warm them up.
So having sex with women became important to ovarian health. Convenient, no?
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I think the “view that women are inferior to men, irrational, and not capable of fully participating in the affairs of their community/region/state/” and “The Bible and The Karan (both written by men) emphasize women’s carnality and the temptation they pose for men” and “women’s ovaries were cold, and the heat of sperm was necessary to warm them up” are all bullshit excuses (along with many others) made up by men to justify their position and we both know what garbage it is. I guess I’m puzzled as to their need to do this. Are they so fragile? or is it just because they actually do have physical power over us and can beat the shit out of us is we don’t do what they want – so they create and maintain power over women simply because they can. My theory is that women allow this because they’re understandably afraid of getting hurt, but far more important is the biological need to protect their babies. I think in evolutionary terms that trumps everything. That’s my theory anyway.
Alison
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I had never heard the explanation of the head covering put that way and it makes us guys all sound like animals and places the blame on the women. I am sure that women do feel more comfortable being covered up as I’m sure they get treated differently.
Anyhow, the people of Jordan are so nice overall and it is such a great country. Pound for pound, it is probably my favorite country. Where else packs in so much in such a small space? Thanks for sharing.
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I’ve not heard another explanation. The Koran apparently simply states that people should dress modestly, both men and women. This covering women from head to foot seems to be solely about protecting them. Which begs the question: protecting them from what? From whom? And yes of course, in that culture they would feel more comfortable being covered since there would be extreme censure without it, such as the man our guide described not being punished for sexual assault. Still it’s better than Pakistan. There they just kill any woman who doesn’t do as she’s told. Seriously.
I found the people of Jordan to be wonderful – welcoming and friendly, and we really enjoyed our time there, but except for Petra and Wadi Rum it’s not at the top of my list.
Alison
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