I’ve always been more adventurous than Don, but neither of us wants to go white-water rafting because we’ve never done it before and we know that one good jolt these days can put our necks out in ways that may take weeks to heal properly. Oh the joys of ageing – but that’s not what this post about. We both love hiking, and calm-water kayaking, and being out in the countryside. We both love exploring what the cities have to offer. But sometimes we get out of sync with ourselves and with each other about what to do, how much to do, and when to do it.
I get to a new town and I’m all fierce and ferocious about finding out about what to see and do and where to go, and trying to find travel agents to organize a day trip or two, because I don’t want to miss anything, and I’m not really listening to myself, and even less to Don. It turns out he’s busy trying to please me, so he’s not really listening to himself either. And so we find ourselves out of equanimity, and out of equilibrium. In Chiang Mai, after realizing what was happening, we were able to talk through the whole issue, both of us really tuning in to what was wanted, and each really listening to the other. Don let go of trying to please me, which clearly wasn’t working, and I let go of the mind story about wanting to do and see everything. The result was that we both just surrendered, and decided that our time there would be with no agenda, no expectations, and a willingness to receive. Equilibrium was restored and we had a wonderful time.
We’re still trying to find equilibrium with this lifestyle. It comes and goes. There has to be a balance between the doing and seeing, and just hanging out or having a ‘day off’. Also we’re still trying to find a way to bring balance into meal times, though that may never be entirely possible since some days we sleep in, and some days we’re up at five to go on a hike, or to catch the sunrise or a flight. Meals just get all out of sync and so I suppose we have to find equanimity with that. It is just part of the lifestyle. So is the lack of structure for exercise. It’s just not possible since there are continual changes in our living circumstances. One day we’re having a much needed rest day, which may or may not include a walk, the next day we’re on an eight-hour hike in the mountains, the day after that we’re sitting around in airports all day, (though there was one time we power-walked around an airport for about forty-five minutes) and the following day we’re in a town where we find a yoga class. Travelling is, by its very nature all topsy-turvy. No routine is possible. Most people do it for a few weeks, or a few months, or even for a year. And then they go home. For us it’s continuous, but we have learnt this: six weeks max of moving every week. Then we need to stop for two or three months to allow equilibrium to be restored physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Now that we’re staying a while in Mexico, and have rented a casita, are preparing our own meals, going to yoga three times a week, and don’t have to be making any travel plans, equilibrium has returned of it’s own accord, just sliding right in there like an old and welcome friend. Equilibrium in what and when we eat, in exercise, in going out or staying home, in being outwardly focused or turning inwards in meditation. It’s the equilibrium that arises from just letting the day unfold, and letting it tell us what’s wanted rather than having to orchestrate it according to various travel plans or needs. And with equilibrium comes an easy equanimity: another old and welcome friend quietly letting itself in through the back door.
Photo of the day: Waiting for sunrise, Angkor Wat, Cambodia
All words and images by Alison Louise Armstrong unless otherwise noted.
© Alison Louise Armstrong and Adventures in Wonderland – a pilgrimage of the heart, 2010-2015.
Yup! I totally get this, even just comparing to the short-term traveling we do. Two people, whose individual minds, souls, and bodies need what they need… finding ways to meet those needs while staying in tune with Self and Other Person.
I like how you use the words ‘equanimity’ and ‘equilibrium’ as personal balance-goals. And then there’s co-equanimity, as it were — keeping Relationship in balance (keeping Relationship equanimitous and equilibrius? 😉
(oh, I looked it up and I see ‘equanimous’ is the real word but there’s no adjective-equivalent for equilibrium except totally different words) (just word-playing now)
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I like your equilibrius 🙂
It’s all about balance, and peace being a by-product of that, and staying in balance as best we can by listening to ourselves and to each other. Some times are easier than others. We’re getting better at it. Better at knowing our own truth, better at communicating it, and better at listening.
Still it’s nice to stay in one place for a while, where our natural rhythm from being together for years, automatically resurfaces.
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sounds good to be staying put for a while..I’d like to do that, I move slower than you so to stay in a few places for a month or so sounds interesting 🙂
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We’re so enjoying staying put for a bit, and certainly plan more of it for the future. We could just keep hopping here and there all over the world for years sampling many different cultures for two or three months at a time. Who knows. We just began our first conversation this evening about where to go after the end of August this year – we’ll see what emerges.
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ooh can’t wait to hear 🙂
Yes I like the idea of an eat, pray, love type couple of years…though not! (couldn’t read the book, annoyed me witless)
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I loved ‘Eat, pray, love’ 🙂
And yes – when your time comes – an ‘eat pray love’ couple of years (tailored for you of course) will fill your soul.
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I loved the movie but somehow couldn’t read the book – maybe I should try again..
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I like the way you notice what is going on with you.
What are the lines in the photo – most noticeable on the man and woman in the foreground. Are they reflection from the water, something to do with your camera,…?
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We like the way we notice what’s going on with us too – it keeps us sane, and still liking each other 🙂
Comes from years of practice with each other.
The lines are reflections of the ripples in the water.
Hugs from us xoxox
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I thought that might be it (the lines in the photo but wasn’t sure. Very intriguing.
I love you two!
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We love you too!
xoxox
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Alison…this is a great post. Finding equilibrium (without trying to please anyone but yourself) requires honesty/truth telling.
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Hello David
I read your bio on your website – I think we have a lot in common.
Don and I have been practicing truth-telling since day one of our relationship. There’s nothing more important than being honestly self-revealing, and of course, also, being willing to listen. There’s a great bowl of space between us that opens up when necessary for all our communication to fall into. In that space it gets seen and heard, by both of us. I wrote in an earlier post how beneficial I find it to put stuff on ‘external speaker’ so I really get to hear what mischief the mind is up to, and how it tries to create discontent out of nothing. Then it has no traction.
Thanks for your comment.
Alison
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I just saw your signature, Alison Louis Armstrong! LOL, love it. For real or ??? This is a great post, as usual. I’m glad to hear you’re settling in, down the road from me in Mexico to regroup and refuel. I love your post and how you and Don see and experience things. Not too different than my life, just differing experience and intensity of activity. Sometimes I wonder if it is doing it all and there’s nothing I can do to change any of it, but for my conditioning that tells me I can. I don’t understand insight, intuition, intelligence and life and what is doing what. Take me out of the equation and none of it makes sense but I am humbly grateful that I can appreciate and be grateful for the hands I’m dealt as long as I continue to breathe. I feel you two are kindred souls and am truly joyful I found you. Paulette
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Alison Louise (‘e’ on the end) Armstrong – yes for real. It’s the name my parents gave me. Lol not Louis Armstrong, though my parents were great fans (me too) so I grew up listening to him a lot.
I don’t think I understand anything either. In fact I’m sure I don’t. And don’t want/need to. It all truly is a mystery. I think we’re all just being done, by life itself (or God, or The Mystery, or the Universe or whatever). Yes, I agree, take ‘me’ out of the equation and none of it makes sense. And in that space is love and gratitude and everything arising, falling away, arising, falling away, being done, by no-one to no-one. And the thing I’m most grateful for is that finally gratitude has arisen here. It changes everything. Kindred souls – yes!
xoxoxox
Alison
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Oh, that’s so funny. I misread your name and thought it was so darn cool. And, to all the rest of what you wrote, 😉
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Love how equanimity quietly lets itself in the back door. You and Don are obviously traveling down a path towards peace and acceptance, Alison. Glad I can join you through your posts. {{{hugs}}} Kozo
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Oh I hope so Kozo. We seem to be getting better at it anyway – the peace and acceptance bit.
I’ve been neglecting you a bit 😦 – I want to comment on your last post, and haven’t even read your latest post. Will get t both soon. Yes!
((((Hugs))))
Alison xoxox
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No rush, Alison. I’m not going anywhere. haha.
I love how you are constantly traveling, but you are always looking inwardly. {{{Hugs]}} Kozo
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Alison! I’ve been seeing the thread about your travels stay near the top and have been meaning to check out your blog for ages. This is the perfect first post for me to see. It was lovely to see you (briefly) in March in BC, looking forward to following you here from now on.
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Hi Genevieve. So happy to have you here! And that you started at the perfect post. Yeah, finding equilibrium – it can be difficult, especially if you’re not paying attention.
Lovely to see you too in Vancouver. That was a great evening – really glad I was in town for that.
Hope you enjoy our ramblings.
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You are really gypsies -a people I adore for their unabated love of love.Ah,the open road..Personally I have never met more hospitable people than in Uzbekistan, but the sights, sounds and colours probably do not quite rival SE Asia. Then there is Africa…Ethiopia is special again, because of the people, and mountains. Wonder where you’ll be next! I am getting things together for a trip to Congo, where I’ll be buying copper and hopefully getting into trouble of sorts. But I’m cheating this time, and going with a pal originally from around there. There are areas of Russia quite stunning too I think, by the way!
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I see you’ve been travelling all over my blog today 🙂
Yes we really are gypsies. At least for now – with no end in sight at the moment.
Were in Mexico til mid August, then Sweden for 2 weeks, then after that it’s all just ideas at the moment. We’re thinking of Sept in Montreal with family, then maybe a Mediterranean winter . . . . . we’ll see what emerges.
Travelling with someone who knows the ground is not cheating! Wishing you a great trip. Hope you get into lots of good trouble 🙂
I mentioned Congo to Don and he just shook his head, lol, so I guess we’re not going there any time soon.
We want to explore eastern Europe. Maybe Russia one day.
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Eastern Europe! My backyard, professionally, for a decade – will do a post about Eastern Europe because then can show you some of the best. Might as well make it a post. Mediterranean..yes,,nice, very..
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Yes please – an Eastern Europe post.
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Alison and Don, You are so wise. Finding your rhythm during long-term travel is truly an art, and you are becoming marvelous artists. I think it’s wonderful that you’ve been able to recognize when things were out of balance, and take steps to restore balance. After much extended travel, we’ve developed an attitude of “We see what we see” and that releases us from previous expectations. It has made all the difference. I’m so glad you’re enjoying your time in your Mexican casita … and looking forward to whatever the future may hold. Wishing you all the best, Terri
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Thank you for your kind words. I think just about the biggest gift Don and I have given each other is the gift of listening. Taken us years lol 🙂
We’ve also come to the ‘we see what we see’ place too. There’s just too much of the world to possibly see it all, and every place we go there’ll be someone who was in the same country and saw something we missed. Either way so far the journey has been so rich we couldn’t possibly have wished for more.
Our little bit if bliss here in Mexico continues to be heaven, and tonight we blocked out our “big picture” plan for the next year.
You two off exploring again any time soon – now that base camp is all done?
Blessings
Alison
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Alison, the gift of listening is so precious … and important! it’s always fun putting together a “big picture” plan – can’t wait to see what you have up your sleeves. We are also in the big picture planning stages. I just love it when the possibilities are endless! All the best to you both, Terri
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